Wednesday, March 01, 2006
There is still no news for jobs. And i am getting very very anxious. Bank account is depleting, how am i suppose to survive through the month? I am getting all the jittery feeling, coldness feeling, goosebumps, fear, of what is going to come and whats not going to happen.
People kept talking about quarter life crisis. Is it true that i am having one right now? Never felt so useless before. On my way home yesterday, i just thought about the things i have achieved so far. Seems like all my 23 years, there was nothing significant that i have accomplished. No savings, no achievements, no job, dunnoe where i am heading.
Shucks! This feels so terrible can!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking about yesterday, well, i really had a great time. Met up with Weide, Mankid and Showen. We went to "Boardgame Paradize" together with my Mr BiGbIg. Introduce
d the game
"Munchkin" RPG. Quite cool and stupid at the same time. But fun. Hahaha. Stupid Mr BigbIg sabo me..make me go back to level 1. Wah lau eh..of so many people sabo me!!
*ANGRY* Hahahaha. Then after that, weide and me gang up against the 3 of them. So damn fun la, peeps out there should go and play. We are even thinking of buying the game home sia!
Later on, we walked to ECP mac, sat there and chit chat. Talk about alot of things. Mostly relationship, i never really talk about these kind of things with those guys before, quite interesting to hear about the different views and perception. I think i am going to miss them alot since all of them are going into army soon. Like in less then 10 days time? Gonna be so bored after that. No one to talk cock sing song with me anymore. These are the real friends i made in Poly. Went through think and thin, crap, eat, travel, drink, slack, play game, pool, ktv of cos, most importantly, STUDY TOGETHER!
Sad to say, these are the guys who really appreciated me as a friend i guess, even if not, at least they MADE me feel so. Busy or not, sure make time to come out and catch up on each other's life and share about all the worries and troubles. Sometimes, even if i will to keep quiet and listen to them talk about DOTA, also very fun. Gonna miss them heaps!
Talking about friends. Sometimes i wonder have i miss abit or two. I realised i am always the one to pressed into certain friends' life. Always the first to call them, ask them out, send them sms. But i will never be on their first priority call list. I'm will never be on their mind when they thought about buying some mementos to bless other friends in the same group or whatsoever. I thought we were suppose to be together? *Shrugs* proberly there is something wrong here. But well, sometimes i too read too much. But i just can't helped it whenever the thoughts crosses my mind. Sometimes when i see certain pictures. I just few very sad. Mr BigBig also mention that he seem to lack in this particular area too. And i will joke saying that prolly thats the reason we are together. "I have you, You have me!" Yeah!
Will always remember a scar that was left with me when i was secondary school. We were a group of 4. Always hang out together, play together, buy the same ELLE bag together and joined the same uniform group together. Then came a stupid National Education project on Friendship day. Where you were suppose to do up a Certificate of Friendship and present it to the dearest friend of yours. So i happily did what i was suppose to do, went to school with the lovely certificate with the bearer's name. When we exchange the certs, i realise, my gang of 4 neither of them gave it to me. I was so disappointed that i almost teared. But i remain strong la, they came to apologise though, but i told them i was fine. Many years went on, the wound is no longer hurting, but i think the scar still remains. But well. Hahahaha
Which is why i kept feeling like i am a failure. Nobody is interested in my life. Especially when i am out with the old people from church. I always feel like a prop. *Shrugs*
I did everything i knew how. Wanting to be there when my friends are going through turbulent times, sms them to see how are things, spent time with them etc. You name it, i did it. Prolly i did too much? Well, nevermind. Like what Mr Bigbig says "Sui yuan lo.."
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I went to the doctors' today. For a condition which i have been having since day one i started work in the society. I always get rashes namely
Hives at the end of day. My body temperature will drop so drastically that Mr BigBig will get so scare cos he say i look like i am freezing cold. I will turn pale, get goosebumps and the Hives will developed. And this usually last for half to an hour.
The funny thing is, i don't developed it when i am home. Usually, always when i am out. Especially after i eat. I don't think i can take cheese cake anymore. I have been on anti-hastamine since then. But i couldn't bare the thought of having to be on medication everyday. So i told myself i am going to see a doctor soon.
Because i had to go over to Mr bigBig's place to help his mum do some chores as she hurt her leg. I walk past the polyclinic, saw that there wasn't many people. So i decided walk in for a consultation.
The doctor says i might have a disorder called the "Raynaud's Phenomenon". A disorder common among women. The doctor have to give me a referral letter to book an appointment with a specialist to do further checkup.
Refer to
http://www.niams.nih.gov/hi/topics/raynaud/ar125fs.htm for information on the disorder. Hopefully i will turn out fine?
*Shrugs* I have been telling telling Mr BigBig that I might not live long. Peeps please remember that i want a ivory white coffin to lie in. Remind Mr BigBig, cos he will forget. Hahahahha
9:18 pm
