Monday, March 28, 2005
Come and condemn me! I should be. I do this over and over again. I commit it over and over again.
I dunnoe what's wrong with me. A part of me just get so afraid. And i make u upset. WHATS WRONG WITH ME???
I am sorry.
12:11 am
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Issit STUPID to have ask "who would you save, if she and me drop into the deep waters?" Is this a very stupid question to ask?
I am left to ponder and debug it. Meanwhile, i shall just think and be back once i got my answers.
Boring weekend till 2 weeks from now. Won't get to see him. Duties duties and duties. I hate SAF.
Actually, i think i am feeling a little exposed. By the little things that happen today. Yeah, EXPOSED is the word. Here the feeling comes again. Am very stupid to dwell on it, but is just the part of me. Is a part of me to formulate things in my mind.
(p.s : i think i am rotting for this whole holidays. AM boring person with no activities, no one to meet. With no special someone to acc. Cham!! WHY!!!!!)
2:53 am
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Weird, i am losing my sleep..hows that?? Is so weird, i am actually losing my sleep during the great holidays?? What is happening?? *look at the clock* OMG!! is already 1++ am and i am here typing myself away. What is happening? I kinda miss my SIP days, i sleep very regularly..
Hoping to see people online, but i almost forgot tomorrow is another big day for most of them. *sigh* and i just got a realization. I only got 3 calls for 2 days. All not lasting pass 5 mins. 3 person called in 2 days and we dun tok more than 5 mins on my cell!! am i boring or what?
I sometimes do like to get calls from my friends and get to chit chat with them, but i am just not that kind of candidate they will pick up their phone and call. So did i portray a wrong image? Or i am just a pure boring friend? Alot of times, i really do find myself not on the call list of my many friends out there..and alot of times, i will be the one initiating to go out, and never having friends who just thought of me and give me a call and ask me out.
Many will think my life resolves only around my boyfriend. But the pure fact is we love to hang out with friends. I always call, and my friends are always not free. And when they wants to go out, they will give me a miss thinking that i am busy going out with my boyfriend.
I am beginning to drag this holiday. I felt very lonely, with everyone busy, and probably out somewhere thinking i am busy, my weekdays seems extremely long, and i just got a news from bigbig that i am seeing him lesser and lesser as next month most of his weekends are burnt off due to bad planning of schedule. *cries*
I hate this holiday! LONELINESS suddenly seems extremely difficult to bare. I shall retreat into my lonely world.
1:05 am
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
14 weeks came and have gone by. There goes my internship training. The thing is, i quite enjoy my life here in the company that i am attached to. Though i am not paid. But it did got me thinking while i was typing my SIP report, this place is indeed the kind of place i hope to get into when i step out into the world and work for a living.
Feeling a little jittery lately, been wondering how i would end up after i graduate from school. Will i get a job that i really like and earn more then enough to provide for myself and my future plans? or will i earn bits so little that i can't even survive with it? My future suddenly seems very blank..and i start asking myself will i become one of those victims that will suffer much under the economy? I told Bigbig that i am considering signing on with air force. The specialist post looks like a very good piece of meat, inviting me to sink my teeth in. The start off pay is $1600, is far more much better than a normal job. And that is my career will be stable. Not so much of being afraid that the economy will suddenly take a downturn. But Bigbig is very against the idea. It seems still early for such a decision to be made. But, the truth is, i have to start thinking, is coming very soon.
My friends are all busy with their exams this week. And after this week, all of them will become working adult. And i will continue to be the student of Temasek Poly. The funny thing is, i suddenly love the thought of coming to school, esp everytime when i start to think about my future which is in no less of 7 months. My school has suddenly become my shelter off the harm that i will be expose to when i officially step out into the world and work. But yet it seems like i am taking ages to graduate. Hahahaha.
Hmm...school is going to end just like that very soon...very soon
3:09 pm
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I got mY provocatiVE WOman PErfUME!!!!! YEah!!! YEah!!!
5:30 pm
Friday, March 18, 2005
I am going through what i suppose to be the dark times of my life. Sick and lack of sleep, things yet to be done. I feel like just escaping to a beach house, enjoy and breeze and sleep all i want, eat bread and drink soup and yet not grow fat.
But hell no, none of which is going to happen. At least my only joy will be that today is friday.
Is the time of the month and that thing is dragging my whole life. i just want to sit down and not tok to anyone cos even a fly can step on my feet and make me go crazy.
A coffee and my favourite caesar salad with my storybook "memoirs of geisha" in my hand may do a pretty good trick to my mood. But, the book has too many japanese culture describe out of goodwill for me just so that i could understand the story throughly has somehow found a way to get on my nerves too. I have been skipping parts and parts of the book just to get on with the plot. You know, sometimes, i just want to READ a story and not STUDY the story. So whats with "Da Vincci's Code" and "memoirs of geisha"? Both have a tact too many redundant historic facts in them and the latter is easier for me to understand. "da vincci's code" made my money go down the drain, i have given up. Maybe i should i eat the book up, to make it more worthwhile.
Bless me, let me have a good and relax weekend.
10:44 am
Monday, March 14, 2005
as a matter of fact, i am feeling pretty disgusted. By some matters that is going on..i dunnoe the truth..but is seems that all the presumptions made are pretty disgusting. The kind of imade they portray to others, behaving very closely when one is attached and the other is not.
Wat kind of man does it make you, when you tempt a ger out of her otherwise very bless and stable relationship?
And wat kind of a ger are you, when you already have someone who loves you so deeply, yet you behave very closely to a guy whom apparently has ulterior motive on you when ur bf is not around.
Disgusted. say no more.
9:52 am
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
*jUmpS with Joy* 8 march, is our 1St anniversary!!! Is been a year already!! SO fast hor!!! aiyo, time flies really fast. Happy 1St anniversary dear.
I could stilL remember clearly how the both of us got together, the ups and downs we went through, and how big had swept me off my feet time and time again.
Feb 14, 2004, The first time we were introduce to each other. I was fascinated with his camera, chatted alittle about photography, then exchanged hp no. becos he wants to see some unofficial works that i have taken.
Feb 23, 2004, We went on a street phototaking session, i ended up taking lots of craps.
Feb 24, 2004, We went to pulau ubin alone. One friend was suppose to be there, but he play us out last min. So we went ourselves.
Feb 26, 2004, We went together to sell his camara so he could buy a better wan. Later on, we toured orchard with my small digi cam and went on to Mt faber in the night. A little cat brought us to sit together and the feeling was right. Hahaha.
March 6th, 2004, Went for a show "the butterfly effect" and held my hands for the first time in the theatre. After the show, he left me going home all by myself which left me pondering and wanting an answer. *my hands not for anyone to hold you know*
March 7th, 2004, I wrote something in my blog, and dedicated it to him and at the same time wanting to know what happening. He confessed. he told me he was afraid. He didn't know what to do.
March 8th, 2004, We went for dinner together at tanpines S-11. I had tom yam soup, he had spicy red meat soup. He held my hands and hugged me later while we were on our way to kallang to get somethings. We were officially together.
March 10th, 2004, We went on a NE trip to pulau tekong. That was where we officially annouced to our peers thatwe have found each other.
And the list goes on....I could still remember the first time i had my insecurity attack and you came all the way to my house to give a hug and assure me and to tell me you love me. I was so touched. And from there i vowed to be your baby for as long as i shall lived. You were the only one that could bring out the kid in me, We had our quarrells, we almost went on our separate ways once. But i am so glad that didnt happen, i know you would do anything to prevent such things from happening. I too would do anything to stop things that will bring us apart. You promised me you will let me be your baby forever. I love you dear, thanks for being the man that can tolerate my nonsense, being the man that i can hold on to, being the man that would protect me from any harm. You are my man. I love you.
2:02 pm
Friday, March 04, 2005
Is friday!! anin't you happy??? I am SooooOOOOOOOOooooo H-A-P-P-Y!!!!! Is friday!!!!!!!! iS Friday!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! ANd i get to see my dear bigbig and get my warm hug that i been deprived of due to the cold weather these few days. HAhahahahahhahaha.
Was toking the whole afternoon with a dear friend of mine. Someone who brings back tons and tons of memories, my dreams. Been recalling those days where i get to perform and sing on stage. I remembered the time when i was announced the top student for POP assessment. And i remembered the time i thought i would do badly for my Jazz assessment, and the ever fatherly Pst Rich ( and i wonder how is he doing now) gave me a gracious 85 mark!!!! I remembered how those times doing creative ministry, singing and doing lots of backstage stuff. I got to learn things like lightings, stage management, costume management, sound, even though i was to dedicate 2 years of my life to learn performing with my vocals.
I dun sing anymore. My vocal range has thus shrunk a great deal. But still the music i have learnt will be in me wherever i go. I still opt for a simple life. Stick to the wonderful man who love me no matter who i am, and what i am going through. Maybe i shall just sing into his ears. Hahahaha.
To this dear dear friend of mine, something i have learnt, is to cherish everything i see. All the relationships around. I have also learnt, to stand by each and every of my friends, and give them the support no matter what. I will be there to support ur decision, when u succeed you will find me there, and when you dun, i am still gonna be by ur side supporting you. *hugs*
Tml is going to be napga test. Hopefully, everything turns out fine. I don't wannt to come back another day for it anymore. If its going to rain tml morning again, then no way am i going to sacrifce another of my sat morning sleep. NO WAY!!!! hahahahahha Hope i can get at elast a bronze ba.
3:52 pm
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Wahahaha, that's a weird title...wahahahaha
I am having the same cycle over again. ARRGGHH!!!! *checks my calendar* Ya, should be around this time. ARRGGHH!!!!!! PMS!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!! Feeling all so damn sian like there is nothing new happening, nothing exciting...Can someone or anyone out there bring me out for some fun or something?? I really feel like playing!!!!! DAMN! Oh yeah, did i mention that i found myself a new hobby?? That is to clap my hands and kill or the mosquitoes around!!!! Can you imagine i woke up in the middle of the night just to kill a damn stupid mosquito??? JUst becos it was singing some lame love song into my ear??? Thank God it didn't have the cheek to gimme a kiss but anyhow, i dun love him, so i woke up, on my lights and kill that stupid looking mosquito, which, was stupid enough to lay there flat for me to kill. MUahahahahahah!!
A very nice weili upon hearing that i was damn sianz drew me a big big sweet and here is it :
Thanks ar, it really made my day!! OK at least i was very happy when i saw the sweet. Hehehehe. Xie XIe ni!!!
10:11 am
