Friday, April 29, 2005
This picture i took, while waiting for irene this noon. Tried it with the effects i had on my phone. Forgot what issit called. Is a "anyhow shoot" photo, but i like the colour produce here...enjoy...
11:52 pm
I don't Like my hair!!!!! For the second time i my whole life, i didn't like what wella did to me. Next time i shall only response to alan's calls, and nobody else. I LOOK LIKE A CHOW AH LIAN!!!!! WAH LAU!!!! I HATE IT!!!!
11:11 pm
Feeling pretty low recently. I think is because of stress? I am not sure. I need to change, my body screams "RUN AWAY!!!!!" I have got a feeling like i am going through a changing process, or issit i need to change from whatever i am doing now, the environment that i am in. ARRGHH!!! I don't know what i want!!!!
But i still have to say sorry to those that i might have offended some ways some how. I also dunnoe. Nah, maybe i didn't mean people didn't appreciate what i have done. I was actually thinking "But if i don't do it, who would?" Yeah, but due to the me, going through a very trying period, tough and stressful, I guess i blown up very easily. I love to do alot of things, sing, love all my friends, love my bigbig etc, I always try to be there for my friends who needed encouragement. I actually felt happy when one or two friends who aren't feeling good about themselves. I actually felt happy when i see my friends, one by one getting into this boat called love, seeing them enjoying their own bliss. I think i have tried my best to be a accomodating understanding girlfriend, a good, loving and understanding "always there" friend. Maybe I have come to a point where i needed someone to give me a pat on my shoulders and tell me "well done. " or maybe i am just a failure, unable to do many things, unable even to do my project, unable to be a good friend. Gosh!!
I dunnoe what to do with myself. Wanna a get away. Hibernate.
1:18 am
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I have got lots to say. But i found no words to say them out. I am in no position to say and advise anything. Besides, i dunnoe how to with nice words, yes, i am always harsh. But i always remembered the dream the we used to have. The kind of life we would want to lead, the kind of family we want to set up. The desire we wanted. I thought u could be the one to help me fullfill that dream.
Alot of things i cannot share, becos i have no idea how to. The only thing i know is, i am now able to do more things that i ever could. My beliefs are still intact firmly. My beliefs is what that make me. I left with a clean record. But still that doesn't make me a good confidante too.
Something that i do sense is, i think we will drift apart. You don't seems to be open to me anymore. Becos we have no more common topics. I felt it. I felt i was casted aside. No one came to talk to me, i had to ask. You have form ur own group within the group. I tried already.
I wonder where has that dream gone to. Is this relationship going to turn plain? I dunnoe. For the first time in many weeks, i actually prayed. I do still remember all our dreams, all the reactions, all the conversation, all the hurts, all the encouragement etc. Where has all that gone to? I really thought u could be the one to fullfill the dream i couldnt.
For the first time in many many years, i felt alone again. Nonetheless, i think i will stay at where i am, not wanting to speak a single word anymore, not becos i can't but being afraid of losing everything beautiful. Beginning to feel convince that i am a loser, and i can't make my friends feel at home with me.
To another matter which have been bothering me, i think i am quite tired of maintaining everything and keep it alive. I don't wanna be the planner, becos everyone is not appreciating. I dun like it, when people take it for granted that i plan. I didn't give the idea, so i dun take the responsibility to plan. And i dun plan, becos pple dun enjoy themselves and they keep to their own individual worlds. No, dun push the responsibility to me after giving the idea. I dun like it, when my phone bill is high and pple dun enjoy the outing.
12:24 am
Friday, April 22, 2005
Been thinking, everyone around me seems to have moved on. I am the only one still stuck in school. Everyone is planning for their future already. Getting into perm jobs, settling down, all these just makes me realise i have actually entered into adulthood. Just wondered how my life will be when i finally stepped out and work. Wat kind of jobs will i be working on. When will i get the chance to start my own family. Everything. All these things that i used to dream of. They are getting horrendously near. I say horrendously becos i actually "woke up in horror". Another friend is tying the knot this may. Probably, i am just afraid of facing the mundane life. But yet, simple but yet happy life, might just suit me the best.
Is another boring friday. And my "weekend all play" beliefs have been changed. Nope, not really changed but chuck aside on some dusty shelf, once awhile i will put on that belief. Yeah. Off to do things to make pamper myself. Hair, facial mask nad nial painting is waiting for me. Oh yeah, and not forgetting my storybook and my date with my reservoir later. Cherrios
3:05 pm
Just came back from a birthday celebration. Celebrated Sherry and ManKid's Birthday. I hope they have fun today. Happy Birthday once again and May all your wishes come true!! Spent quite alot recently, my wallet is has a big wide hole now. So many birthdays this month. One more coming up.
I bought myself quite a few things also. Is been a long time since i splurge on myself. Hahaha, a mango bag, a 3/4 pants, a white V-neck top, a vintage skirt, a orange bag and a pair of tees, one for bigbig and the other for myself. No more spending. Eating air now...but i am looking forward to my birkenstock and rebonding my hair soon. Hahahaha. Ok i have to work out my budget soon. Need to save up for bigbig's 21st bdae also.
5 more weeks to school reopening. My project is still heading nowhere!! I need a flash pro!!! God please send me one!!!
I need to really get down on my books and do the things i want to do during this holidays, seems like i have been spending my holidays doing nothing edifying for myself. The more things i do, the more times i go out are actually weighing on me, i mean i do have my fair share of fun, but even with enough sleep, i am feeling very down and exhausted. Think i need to slow my pace and really do things for myself.
3am now, hitting on my bed soon. Ciaos
p.s: sometimes i really wonder if pple reads my blog. It seems dead. Or maybe my life is dead. Boring.
2:47 am
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I have changed my blogskin into this new one. Love the simple layout. Took me only 1 hour to get everything the way i wanted. Put off with the tag board. From now on, anyone wants to say something, just click on the comment link and leave me a note. Rubbish are welcome too.
I am very happy to see both my friends decided to take their relationship a start higher, bringing it into a intimate phrase. I played a part in it though! Congrats to qingy and doner. Happy to hear that most people are doing fine, some ready to plunge into relationships that makes them happy. I am actually very happy, seeing friends have smile on their faces.
Am more dedicated now with my tuition, 3 days a week, to push the kid. I really have no idea whats up with him, doing brainless stuff which most 12 year olds wouldn't. Been playing abit, tired and stuff, kinda miss the 12 am sleep nowadays, i hardly wake up barely pass 11am. I feel unhealthy!!!
I have to mention that my bigbig pass his test, now he will be able to take off prior to the weekend duties he has to cover from now on. The sad and sucks thing is that for the many weekend duties he's been covering are all gone, no off given. ONLY FROM NOW ON!! RSAF SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!!
12:36 am
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Wah!!! i found a great place to get great deals for toiletries and facial stuff!!! VERY CHEAP!!!!
Those who find Watsons very ex. Or already very cheap. I tEll u i found a Better Deal!!!
And u Know what??? They even sell SK2 At a very cheap price. I want to buy the "shen qi shui"!!!! HAhahahahaha. No worries, is not fake goods. really. Hahahahahhahaha
I love that shop!!!!
7:24 pm
Thursday, April 07, 2005
I had quite abit recently..
I have totally no idea why everytime u call me or see me, u will say "i am tired". U say le, u dun feel tired, i hear le i also feel tired. From now on, i shan't call, and will not call, until u feel NOT TIRED then u gimme a call.
forget it,
11:42 pm
Had a fun time yesterday, thanks to justina!! Hey happy birthday to you ok??
The day before went for movie, Miss Congeniality 2 with weili, not too bad a show, but i still feel Miss Con 1 is better...
Moody mOod is back....cant seems to settle down...feeling sick. Damn!
2:21 pm
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
I am FeelIng weiRD....tired...plain tired.
Too much of something makes me wanna puke and irritated everytime i sees it.
i want to sleep and be by myself.
the after effect after too much fun?
SOmething i am damn sure is, i am super broke. That is one sure thing of after effect when i had too much of playing.
TIme to rest and exercise.
1:02 am
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Yeah!! I am finally back!! Hahahahahaha, i had so much and i was so tired after all the activities till i am too tired to even blog. And today, i finally can get down, think about these past few days and finally have a good night sleep.
Just came back from a 3 days 2 nights chalet. I wasn't game for it in the first place. But guess what??? I had soooooOOO much fun. Hahahahhaa.
I made alot of friends during the stay. People who i usually just know them by face and not know them personally. I got to know those that i have known even better and the person who shocked me the most is my beancurd aka JINHAO. Hahahahaha, i usually thought that he is someone very cool and very handsome. But, i am totally wrong!!! Thank God i went for the chalet, his a total lame guy who likes to act cute!!! CAnnot take it!! hahahaha. And i also found myself having lots of parttime to fill up the absence of XR. Haahaha
And today i actually went out with a bunch of peeps that i dun even know. They are kangming's secondary school friends. WE went ktv. I was so shocked, by myself, dun ask me why we ended up going out together...becos i also dunnoe why..Hahaha
Next most funny thing is, I wanted to have prata for supper, then i find 6 guys coming down especially just to acc me eat. Hahahahaha. Just one call, i got Weili (my no. 2), KangMing(my no. 7), Jie Zhi (my no. 8), Jiaming (my no. 9), Jia xian ( wah lau, i like his vespa) and Zhan jing to eat with me. Hahahahaha so honuered. They say beancurd is sick so cannot come.
Hahaha, funny rite? But i found myself in the span of a few days having lots of parttimes to spend time with me. And i told dada about it. HAhahahaha. At least i have something to do, go out and play!!!!!! Oh!! and no. 7 send me back home in his bike!! SO fun leh!!!!
Hahahaha..i am so damn tired now. TMl i am going out with no. 4 and no. 5, yeah!!!!! so many activities!! Hahahaa, but i still miss my horse. Hmmm...
2:31 am
