Sunday, October 31, 2004

I wanted to blog. I know what i to blog. There are alot up in my mind. I very fan. I venting it through typing. But i lazy to type so much. ARrgghh!!!!!

I wanted to say how much yesterday service has impacted me. Maybe i should go into details the next time.

I very fan, exam tomorrow!! I am feeling like dunnoe what. Dunnoe how to explain.

I suddenly feel very tired. Very tense. And very sianz at the same time. Throbbing headache. ##%$#$%#$%#%!!!!

I know i miss xianrong alot. I want a physical human support. I want him to come and sayang me and hug me and tell me that he is with me. I want him to look into my eyes and tell me that everything is gonna be alright. I need someone to talk to!!! And i can't even call him.

I went to buy something for xianrong. I wanted to buy him something to appreciate his hard work in the army, and i know is very very tough. I wanted to get him a present also for pur 8th month. But i dun have alot of money. But i bought something which he already has it but a different colour, cos i know his is gonna spoilt soon. I wanted to get a better wan. But it is way above what i can afford. I hope he like it.

Suddenly very depress. Arrgghh!!!

10:52 pm

Friday, October 29, 2004

I finally got back my straighter then ever hair!!! Hahahaa those who always ask me to go rebonding finally have your wish come true!! From now on i have no money le, so all of you shall "yang wo" hahahahha!! Anyway, those who saw commented that i look cute la, as usual, whenever i cut my fringe. Now, i look like i have a big head, big fat body with super thin and flat hair. HAhahahahaha!! I sucks man. But have to bear with it la, at least for a week before my hair starts to look natural again. SianZ.

I wanted to cry just now, cos dada called. And this is the last time he will be calling. Cos from tomorrow onwards, he will have to go field camp for 7 days. Arrgghh!!! I miss him le. But 7 days nia la, to me is no problem de. I am thinking of surprising him with something. I have a rough idea. But dunnoe whether can succeed anot. And him something too. Still thinking and planning my budget. Cos next week when he comes books out, is just in time for our 8th month anniversary. And i want to do him somethings to make him feel special and loved, and i want to let him know that his hard work inside the camp is appreciated. GeeZ!! can't wait though.

But everything have to only start on tue. Cos i need to study and prepare for this last lap. And of cos, i believe that God will bring me through it!! Thank You Jesus.

I was offered a job to mark papers in MOE for 2 weeks. But i think i have to turn down the offer, cos i am have committed everyday to teach my kids back to back tuition as they are having exams next week. I think i shouldn't change the timings. Their exam is very important then me earning those extra cash. And plus everything is planned nicely le, i don't want to change again and cause my kids to adjust duing those crucial moments.

A little prayer:

10:26 pm

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Yeah! So happy!! finally manage to talk to dada after like 3days!! Hahahahahaha. Actually i also dunnoe what was going on. I was wanting to deposit money into dada's account, but realise i didn't know what kind of account he was holding. So i withdrew and was telling myself that i must remember to ask dada about the account, and i was also wondering how is dada doing. Then i took out my phone, and i wanted to call home to ask if there was dinner for me, then i dunnoe why, but i unknowingly just dialed dada's no. Hahahaha, the best thing was it rang. And i still didn't know about it. Then dada pick up his call, i was shocked! huh?? I thought it was somebody else, so i quickly put down the phone. Then i thought for awhile, the voice just now was very familiar, then i checked, ha! I called dada. But i was puzzled how come he could pick up the phone. So i called again. And it ws so happen that he just came back from his live firing and had just gotten his belongings back from his sergent and he switched on and then i call already. hahahaha so qiao right?? Hahahahaha, then we talk for quite awhile cos i miss him lots. Then he just called me again. Hahahaha aiyo can't wait for next week to quickly come!! And i was telling him that now, everyday i will tell myself that i must wait for him. And is like it had become a custom that every morning i will tell myself, "yeah!! is "so and so day" just another "so and so days" and i will be able to see him" is really never fail wan. And my peers in school can testify for me. Hahahaha and ithink they are getting pretty sick of it! HA!! bleah!

Anyway, i was just painting my nails and i kept redoing it and redoing it. Hahaha. I have fixed my appointment and i am going to do my hair tomorrow. Yeah!! Is gonna be a new look!! and i cant wait!!

(qingy dear wants me to tok abt her....but i naughty...dun want to blog leh....BLEAH!!!!!!! :p) hahahahhahahahahaha~~~~

11:13 pm

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

I just came back from a movie. Wow not too bad wor. Quite a nice and upbeat show. No boring moments, it gave you everything from the beginning of the show till the ending. No beat around the bush. It was certainly good. About a man who accidentally filmed down a bunch of corrupted cops being involved in a transaction and killed the 2 innocents. Thereafter those "cops" went to search for this man. Ultimately they did(which was the beginning of the movie), they caught the woman( the main character in the movie), lock her up in a room while they went on to search for her husband and her kid. Meanwhile, she took on a hammered alomost spoiled phone, and being a teacher, who is suppose to be knowledgeable, tried mendaling with the wires and finally got dialed to a young and handsome man cellular phone. The young man didn't believe her but couldn't help but believe her when he heard all those sounds coming from the other end of the line. So, the show went on, showed you how the young man helped the woman and throughout the show, they were on the phone. The only time that they aren't was when the phone got cutted off the when it was about to end.

Nice show la, it will be good if you go catch it. Not so much of guessing and everything, is just a sit back and relax movie, with enough punch and plot. Wouldn't leave you leaving the cinema feeling high. But at least will make you smile as you walk out.

I am starting to miss dada again. This time round is so hard to get by with it. So much tougher then the beginning. Because i can't hear from him anymore. In the past was, cannot see him, but i could still hear him. Now i can't see him and i can't hear him at all. And this gonna be it till next friday. Arrghh!! ok i must start planning what i should do and everything else. Need to study also. And i want to give dada a surprise when he comes back. I am going to make my hair. Maybe get some new clothes and buy him present when he comes back.

11:44 pm

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Went to school today for extra lessons. Must study for it. And i know i can make it and clear all this semester. Am having a bad flu though. Damn it man. Must quickly go get a bed. Can't sleep well in the night on the floors. And i think that's why its contributing to my sickness and is like getting worse.

Read up the dreamweaver book. After my exams i am all up to help dada bb to do his website. Wonder if i can really do it. Hahahaha.

Went for tuition today. Nothing much, but maybe cos i wasn't feeling well, so i was abit bad tempered. Then got a urge of wanting to see dada bb. Wonder how's he doing in his live firing. Maybe he enjoying it. Dunnoe, to my perception, boys always like this guns things. Hahaha. And i know dada bb fare perfectly for the computer training wan. Just wondering how's his live wan will be. Wanna sleep early today. Took medicine liao. Hmm, i wan hug hug. aiya! ok la, must go and pia my tuition this week, all my kids are having their exams next week liao...and i am planning for a rebonding by this week. hahahahaha

11:58 pm

Monday, October 25, 2004

Ok, i went throught my blog again. I was harsh on my words. But they are the exact thoughts. So i wun remove them. They are exactly what i thought. ANd they are from my heart. I am sorry if it hurts. COs that the truth. I have ask for forgiveness. I cannot undone anything that has been done.

1:30 am

Sunday, October 24, 2004

I don't know what to say. i feel upset though. Actually i don't think i am in any wrong. Because i think you perceive it wrongly. I didn't went to ask and investigate. I didn't in any place say i believe those who came looking for me. If you remember looking at my blog, i did mention that i dun believe them either.

All i want you to know is that i care. I really do. But i guess if i will to be in your place, i would have felt hurt too. But, what cause the problem today, is because non of these have been brought to a conclusion. All these is not as if i went purposefully to bring it up. I did have doubts, but i chose to kept quiet. But i was shocked. How would you want me to react when one day suddenly pounce on me and tell me in my face that my best friend is being cheated? You want me to sit back and just relax. What if is true? Do u think my conscience will be clear if any of that was true? I can't cos i really care. Just like how you cared for me when i have my problems in my first relationship with BT.

I trusted you. Really i do. But you can't ask me to trust someone who, have been accused but still till now haven come clear with his stand and why all these happens? I trust you. But my thoughts will still run about him. And the more i think, the more i get disgusted. Why?? all these cause he didn't or maybe you didn't bother to address the things that have happen?? How could you expect me to react, and you think i can just leave you in his hands without even knowing myself whether he can be trusted anot?? Is only when i know he can be trusted then my mind can be at ease. DO you have any idea how many times i have to deal with those people who come and accused him?? and on the other hand i can't say a thing cos i promise i will trust you?? is tormenting you know. I can't stop thinking abt it. Where is the truth???

And i have been so afraid of this matter getting a matter into your friendship with irene. I am afraid you know? Not that i dun believe that your lifelong friendship with her cannot withstand any fire. I believe. And as friend to the both of you, i have to protect it. I FEEL that i have a responsibility to protect it too. I didn't want to see a ugly situation. Cos i will feel like i play a part in it. Alot of times, i hasten to even tell irene abt anything i know. That why whenever irene is involved, i ask her to keep quiet. Cos if there is anything, i will just be the one toking, and if you are hurt, responsibility will be me. No, i don't try to act noble. I just dun wan to be the one to spoilt something that is the bestest gift you could ever have. And alot of times, i have no choice but to have her in, cos she was the only one that i can turn to.

I need your understanding, i need you clarity of mind. Please do think properly. If you think that i wasn't upset about it and could be happily somewhere dating my bf. Then you are wrong. You can ask xianrong how upset and tormented i was. If you were to be me, what will you do?? If this thing happen on me and xianrong, what will you do??

10:34 pm

i had a good weekend though. Did nothing but just coffee at starbucks and CBTL. Hahahaha. Manage to pester bb to buy me the skirt 2 weeks from now. Hahaha. Cos he wanna me to go for rebonding. Arrgghh, which will leave me with no money. SianZ. Gonna miss bb for 2 weeks. Cos the coming weekend he will be in outfield, sleeping anf fighting in the forest. Just bought some sweets for him to bring in. Bought some for desmond aka The Dog also, wah he so happy. Hahahha. If you are wondering who, desmond is my second school classmates for 5 full years who happen to be in the same company as bb and pkus they happen to sleep in the same level. Hahahaha such a small world.

Gotta go study with the same gang of people again, other then weide who will be there for nothing cos he pass everything, the rest of us have one or two sup papers. ANd this time round i am going to make sure i teach mankid everything for comcom, and everything will get into his head!!! ME too, everything i study must go into my head.

Took some pictures. Funny though. Added words into it. As usual bb do de....

9:26 pm

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Finally, i went to Kbox to sing K. Wah, woth my terok voice i still manage to screeched my way through. HAHAHA. Sorry to the rest hahahaha. I didn't spare a thought for all your ears. Hehehe. But it was so fun and as usual. I got very high. You know i always be very high when i am singing. I just go crazy. HAHAHHAHA. So fun le. Then went to eat with Sherry Baby. BUt wah, the noodles damn oily sia. Eat till i wanna puke.

Gonna see my dada tml. Yeah!!! Finally, and i wanna spend as much time as possible with him cos next week i cant see him anymore. Due to him having to go outfield. Arrgghh, i know i am going to miss him nuts. Cos we can't even chat on the phone!!!! ArrGGHH!! feel so shitty sia.

SiaNZ sia. I just read my friend's blog. And i realise that i actually have the same thoughts as her. I actually can't help but start to dislike this certain character that i happen to know. Really take no offence by it. But after everything, i feel this person is up to no good. And the best thing is there is no explanation given, and this person don't even bother about it. I mean is your reputation at stake. And you don't even bother to clear your air? Actually i also tell myself that i am not going to bother about it anymore. But somehow it still remain at the back of my mind. Like some unsettled matter. But heck la. Dun ever appear infront of me can already. I already give chance, refuse to take it then that is it. From now onwards in shall look at you in this manner. ANd full stop.

sometimes i wonder, how can you not bother about anything. I simply just can't. I can't just sit there and think that nothing has happen. Sorry. Been playing minesweeper though, slowly becoming a master out of it. So fun. I have been playing almost everynight. HAhahahaha

I am still sick!!! Wat kind of virus is this man??? SianZ

3:14 am

Thursday, October 21, 2004

I wonder what's really wrong with me. I keep having fever on and off like nobody's business. What is going on???? Arrgghh!!!!! I feel so terrible sia. Aiyo. Feel so super DUPER sick. Reminds me of the throat ulcer thingy. And yes, i have got sore throat. Arrgghh!! ok, one more day, still the same then i am gonna see doctor. Boo-hoo. Dada where are you?? i want hug hug. Boo-hoo!! no sayang sayang.

5:31 pm

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I have been sick for the past 3 days. Caught that darn virus from dada who in turn got it from tekong as tekong now is raging with the virus. Dada got attend C status for the past two days. I thought that i was doing fine already by tue, that why i popped by dada's house to spent time with him. Who else knows after having a wonderful lunch, my fever came right back!! And i was tortured the whole night. I sweat myself the whole night till today noon. Finally the fever is gone. But am still feeling weak. Like feverish feverish kind, and having a darn headache and my head feels heavy. So happy to hear that dada is fine now. No more fever, no more flu and his swollen has subsided and he can now eat with ease. Think he pass his last sting of virus to me.

I have nothing to do, so i went to search for some nice blogskins. I downloaded a few, and have decided to use this. But i think i still prefer the previous one. That one like more girly.

This weekend, all of us are going to get back our results. Scare man. Other than the one sup paper i have to take, i really hope that i can pass all. Just that one MSD sup paper is enough le. Really praying hard that other subjects can pass. So scare.

I think is due to being sick, my brain has started to get lazy. I am like floating through these few days. Like a zombie like that. Feeling weak, so much so that my maid have to serve me with rice up in my room, feed me with medicine and my dad will constantly check on me on my temperature. And these few days i slept with my doors open just so that if anything happen to me, my dad will know.

I am a weak girl la, immunity very low. I always fall sick de. And when i fall sick, i get really sick which many times turn out to be quite scary. I think that's why my dad always scold me if i go out till very late or i burn a few nights of midnight oil. And everytime i fell sick, my dad will be the busiest, cos he has to work and look after his big baby. I also dunno why, i will always try to keep strong even if i am feeling like i gonna die, but when i see my dad, i will cry like crazy. That was what happen on monday, and my maid got scare out of her wits. Hahahaha Thank God for my daddy.

Ok, i dunnoe what to write le. Goodnight.

11:40 pm

Monday, October 18, 2004

I had a great time spent with dada over the weekend. Wah!! now that he is back in tekong i am starting to miss him already. I had such a great time man. All started with saturday where i was suppose to go and meet him at pasir ris interchange in the morning. But i woke up late, so he took a cab down to fetch me to his place. I was so excited the whole night that i couldn't fall asleep. When i saw him, wah!! my whole face just lit up!

Accompany him back to his place so that he can bathe and smell fresh. Gave him his bdae gift and i really hope that he will like it. Cos he reckon that there is nothing actually that he needs or wanted, cos his in army, most of the things will not be of use. So i got him things that i like. For man one la...

Then we came back my place, so that i could change my clothes and go for service. Spent time alone with him, hug him for very very long. The strong arms. So nice. Then we went on separate ways. Met him up again after service, brought him to sakura to eat. It was a nice dinner though, but we didnt really enjoy it cos he was feeling sick. He caught the tekong fever and flu. Then plus his gums on the left side got a bit swollen, so we didnt eat much. After that went to buy him some medicine, then we went to starbucks for coffee. Met up my friends for awhile before we went to catch the show "the Exorcist". it felt so good, leaning on him to watch movie, and that was what i usually do, but after he went into army, i was deprived of that luxury. And i actually felt asleep. Hahahaha.

The best part came after we finish the show. We actually walked from tampines to my place. I mean, i did that upteem times. But that was the first time, we walked together for such a long distance. And that time spent walking was great. I couldn't describe that feeling. It just felt awesome. We chatted, he sang his army songs, told me what happen during the 2 weeks. He did most of the talkings though. But i was very happy just listening to all his stories. Made him promise to walk me walk home again the next time. But only when he is not tired.

We didn't go anywhere today. JUst spend time at his home and his mum cooked dinner for us. So nice. Chicken Rice!! We actually quarrelled today for awhile. Cos i was angry that he blew a little of his top on me just because i couldn't make out what he is talking about. I mean it wasn't the first time, some nights when he called, he will talk to me in a irritated tone. Then i will always feel bad, like he can't really talk to me, and when he does, his tone doesn't sound nice. Then this is the first weekend. I hardly can spent time with him, and he get so irritated over like practically nothing. So i ignored him. We didn't talk for a while, then i saw him tearing, my heart broke. I tear. He finally told me how tough it was inside. I knew he didn't it la. So i made him promise me again to tell me and confide in me if things are going tough inside. I also explained to him why i was angry, we apologise, wipe each other's tears. All i wanted was a good time spent together. And he was abit frustrated cos he was dragging the thought of booking in in few hours time. I knew from my head all along that it is not easy to be in the army, but today i finally felt and know it in my heart. He knew it was something that he cannot run away from. Just hope that he heeds my advice and try to make the best of it. I mean its not as if he has weird people around him. That is one thing that i thank God for everyday. Cos like that things will work out better. I also told myself that i would remind from time to time that i will be waiting for him, take good care of myself so that he wouldn't be worried for me. And most importantly that i will be the most understanding towards him.

We had a good dinner, and we were actually jokingly saying about if in future we should have our kids, who should be the bad guy and who should the the good guy. I deem myself to be the bad guy, cos he will love his kids so much that he will pamper them. And if i have to choose to feed, i will feed him, Hahahaha, and he will feed the kids. HAhahahaha Then later on, we reckon that we should just feed each other and let the kids feed themself. (feed= physically feed them food, not the go out to earn money just to feed the house) Hahahahaha.

Sended him off today to pasir ris, and i am already looking forward to next weekend. Can't wait to spent time together with him again. HAhahahaha. And i think i caught the tekong virus from him. Cos everyone in tekong is falling sick with flu and fever. HE was actually fine till he books out yesterday. Think he passed the virus to me, now i am down with fever. Ok, i better go take my temperature again and have a early rest. Miss my dada.

1:51 am

Saturday, October 16, 2004

YippIE!!!! i am going to meet my dada in no less then 7hrs time!!!!!! I can't wait to see him!!!!!! Finally after two weeks!!!!! I feel so deprive not been able to see him. And finally THE day had come, I am going to make sure that i enjoy myself these two days with him. Of cos, he must enjoy too. I am so EXcited!!!!! I simply cant wait!!!!!

2:34 am

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Hello. I was just looking at my blog. And i realise i actually haven been blogging regularly. Since Dada went into the army. Or maybe i wasn't a regular blogger but has since become even lesser. HA!! Was pondering on how i had actually spent my last week. And i thought it was quite eventful though. Hahaha. Wah...come to think of it...i am actually amazed by myself!! Hahaha. No, i wasn't trying to prove how lonely i wouldn't become even if xianrong is not around. But the fact is that i really misses him. I miss him so much that i didn't know how to describe. I didn't know how to describe how dada has been occupying my mind. Not as in like how the previous had, but i was constantly thinking about him, not in deep thoughts, buti would wonder how he is doing, how is he coping. Didn't know why also. I knew that i got lots to tell him, but everytime he called, i woudn't have much to say. I just want to see him.

Anyway, i was meaning to tell everyone the other day that i went shopping. Finally after so long. Bought things for myself. I got myself 2 bags, 1 top, and a pair of shoes. The bags are real good picks. Cos i got them really cheap. One is $25 and the other is just $5. The $25 dollars was something that i like. And the $5 one was something i thought to myself that i would buy even if it means to keep it in the cupboard. Hahaha. The top also..it is only $10. Then i wanted to buy a pair of sandals or low heels. But i bought myself a pair of pretty shoes instead. Haha. Oh ya and i bought myself a pink skirt. Not too bad. Is been a long time since i had a shopping spree like that.

Thinking of how i am going to arrange this coming saturday. And am also thinking of how and what presents i should get for dada.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, i am back again. Haha, after 2 days. Actually it looks funny right?? But actually, i am blogging from my notepad. Save it up and then i will paste it in blogger.com. Why? Because, i had this one bad experience where i was typing happily in the blooger.com when i finally finished, press the button, and there goes my entry. I type such a long one and just click, i think is due to traffic heavy so they cant publish the entry and there goes the full thing. Not a single word can be retrieve. So i learnt my lesson. I blog from my notepad. Hahahaha.

I went to beach cabana for a drink yesterday night with my friends huilian and uncle koh. Wah, the feeling so nice. Cos i have been feeling very bored at home. Finally manage to get their butts off from their seat and off we went to beach cabana. Of cos i had a price to pay. I offer to treat them. Ok la, not very expensive, and it was fun, its been such a long time since the 3 of us went out and chat till very late.

I am meeting uncle koh today for movie. Then maybe can shop around for dada's present. Hahaha. I have found myself 2 reserve "partner" one is my buddy superman, the other is uncle koh. Hahahahaha Dada you must say thank you to them ok?? cos these two had been the ones coming out to spend time with this "i miss my boyfriend" girl. Haha, and they are the ones seeing me going gaga over the one phone call that dada made to me every night. Ok la, i dun meet them everyday la. But thanks to uncle koh, he has been playing online games with me. Hahaha, occupy my time. Superman gonna have exams soon. Wish him all the best and
hopes he does well for his papers. Oh no, ya he will be going over to australia to study for 1 month. Some student exchange thingy. Ok, there goes my buddy, i am gonna miss him. I was like telling him "hey, can you please don't go over? you go liao, then i how? Who gonna accompany me??" and then his eyes will roll, " hello, miss i need to go, if not how i get my degree??" cos is like is part of the school programme like attachment like that. So ok lor, no choice, i had to let you go... hahahahahaha.....

Ok la, i shall be back for more....have a good day. And God i pray for dada, that today will be a good day for him. I entrust

dada into your loving hands. in Jesus's name i ask,

AMEN!

11:20 am

Monday, October 11, 2004

Hahaha!! Finally, i am in holidays!!! yeah!! and to believe that i finish my semester just like that. Hopefully all will end well, and be able to pass that sup paper which will be coming soon, and i will be able to clear everything for this semester and move on with no hindrances. Its been like one and half weeks since dada went into national service. I do miss him a great deal lots!! Wonder how did i manage to through it. But more probably is due to the exams period. Now that no exams is on the cards. I wonder how am i going to cope. Ya, just spend alot of time, going out with friends, watching tv, watching movie, teach tuition..etc. Judging from it, i think it should be quite easy, since after this week, he will no longer be confined anymore, but will see him on the weekends.

I was so happy that i could go to tekong to visit dada yesterday. Hahaha, i was so overwhelmed by his botak head. I can't stop staring at it and touching it. Probably i wasn't use to it. But i think, hahaha its quite cute, and i am gonna get used to it anyhow. Couldn't talk alot cos his mama was there too. Wanted to hold his hands, but cannot also. Miss those eyes that i could just look deep into for hours. But i can't, but we did manage to steal a few moments, with him holding my hands very firmly and two pecks on the cheeks to recharge him. Hehehe. Wanna hold him for long. ok, have to wait for another 5 more days, and i wanna hold him for hours!!!!

But this week has been good. With dada departure to the army, i could actually spend more time with my friends, catching up with them, go shopping with them, play games till late with them. And i still get to chat with dada every night. So actually is quite a good deal. DADA i MISS YOU!!!!! sorry, if this blog seems like is for me to write all about my dada. HAHAHAHAHHA

Went shopping yesterday, and i bought myself a bag and top. Spend no less then 35 bucks. Is a good catch though hahahaha. Wanna go shop for more. And buy dada's present. Gonna plan to celebrate his bdae this coming sat. I am so EXCITED!!!! ok..i will be back for more tonight....ciaos!!

11:54 am

Monday, October 04, 2004

I am so not use to not having dada with me on my weekends. I really miss him. This is the first weekend, in our 7mths of relationship, that we aren't together. It felt just so weird. ANd today, i went to parkway then to marine parade library to study, while i was walking on that same familiar road, it just felt so weird. There was a sense of lost...cos usually there is dada to walk me down that same stretch.

Studied abit today. Must really pia tml. Thought dada wouldn't call today. Surprisingly he did. I was so happy. And i ask him to leave me a sms before he goes to bed. He actually sended the most romantic and touching sms he ever send to me. I will keep it and read it everytime i misses him.

1:04 am

Friday, October 01, 2004

Dada left. Left to be moulded to become a man, to a island where all sons of singapore must go. A place where they learn how to protect the country, be well train and well equipped in times of need, to counter any terrorist attack that is planned against Singapore. And dada left, to fulfill his calling as a real man.

I didn't expect it to come so soon. It feels like it was just as if it was yesterday, that we celebrated when he passed his Napfa and he could spend more time with me before he goes into the army. And it feels like it was just yesterday that we just ahd a little hoilday, becos it is still a month away from his enlistment, then BOOM!! He is now a newly pledge NS man.

Have been spending time with him this past week, and of cos it was as enjoyable as ever, just abit of pre-enlistment here and there, but other than that, everything else was great. And i could still remember, on the 25th, we cried together, becos we knew we only had one week left.

I told myself not to cry today, and i am glad i didn't. I forced myself not to. Yesterday night, i had sms him all that i wanted to say to him afraid that i would have no courage to say infront of his parents, I cried as i type and send the message. First time, i felt someone so close to me had to leave my side to somewhere else. I dragged my feet to his house this morning, i had always drag this day to come, cos i know after today, i have to learn to be independent, and i would not be able to enjoy his presence, his sturdy hugs and soft kisses again as often and as much as i want to. I saw the few times when he eyes would turn red. He said it was the new specs that made his eyes uncomfortable. I dunnoe, i choose to stay quiet. I know he will feel sad, becos all that he use to do, love to do, likes to do have to become history from now on. Maybe some, he could still touch them once a while. And i know he has been re-remembering the past, all the good times. And he is going to miss that whole part of it from now on. I will turn my eyes away when my eyes turn watery, i didn't want him to see it.

I promise him that i will learn to be independent, i will wait for him every week, i will definitely look very much forward to spend that very precious few hrs. And i made him promise me to stay healthy, eat well and sleep well. I know he wouldn't eat, if the food is no good.

This was actually the second time that i went tekong with him. We went once, almost six and half months ago, on the 10 of march. Just only 3 days into our relationship. It felt different as we travalled on the ferry to tekong. I told him just now that tekong was actually our place. Cos, it was during that tekong trip, that we annouce our relationship to friends around us. I still remember some shocked faces, some who tease and his friends who wun believe him that he got himself a girlfriend, so he held my hand up high in the jetty to prove to his friends. Sure it was a memorable place. But it felt so different today. Becos, we are going in together, but only i am coming out, and he is staying in.

As i left, i tried very hard to fight my tears back, I didn't wanted to look at him, i hugged him then quickly turn my back and left. How much i wanted his hand to come and bring me home. I dropped a tear, but i think his mom didn't see. I could see that his mom was trying hard too. Saying lame jokes, trying to find topics to talk...i could feel the uneasiness...the sadness. In the morning while we were going in, there were worried, tired faces, but the atmosphere was lively. While we were going back, the whole ferry, the full load of bus, are all filled with sad, red eyed faces. Their faces were filled with tiredness and sadness. All the women, mothers and girlfirends have the same looks. All stare into the blue sky, with thoughts in their mind. And the fathers and uncles will be sleeping with their mouth open. I remember there was this girl whose boyfriend is enlisting today, our eyes met, and at that moment, i could feel how she was feeling, We just click by our glances. We are all here to send our boyfriends.

Two years and two months, actually will soon be over. ya, is not as if i can't see him during this time, i am so much far more better than those out there who have their boyfriends in overseas studying or working. At least i could still see him once a week. I know is going to be tough for the first few weeks. But i know i will be able to adapt. And i will learn to live my life independent, with his trust. I refused to let him say goodbye to me, but only "see you in few weeks time". I kept asking him does he has anything to say to me, but just when he was going in, he told me that i must wait for him, that he is only afraid that i wun wait. I teared. Without him seeing. I was leaning on his slender body. Later i asked him again, what if i didn't do what i promise, he gave a gentle "box" on my head. Hahahahaha. We were having our last fight before i board the ferry. Hahahaha, he knew he could, and had put complete trust in me. He actually brought me home to see his grandma on tue just so that i could believe and trust him.

I love you dada, and am looking forward to your sms, calls and whenever you booked out. I am already looking forward to next week family day. I wanna see your "botak" head!!! I wanna lay my hands on it!! Hahahaha.

Is actually dada's bdae tomorrow. But enlistment became the biggest thing which was today. So didn't celebrate beforehand for him. Still thinking of a very good gift to get him, want to reward him for working so hard. I mean he has to.

Ok, its really time for me to study already...haven really touched on it. Ciaoz!!

5:08 pm

Welcome!

there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so..then that is just too bad.

It's Me

I love flowers.
I love pink.
I'm stubborn and messy; absolutely lazy.
I mahjong till dawn,
I shop till dusk.
That's coz...
I'm who i AM.
And a beautifully FAT one too.

Tweets