Friday, October 28, 2005
Everything is confirm. Starting work on the 7th of nov. Quite happy with my pay. Very good for a no experience starter like me. Wanna thank Jill alot! Xie xie ni!!!
WIsh me all the best pple. I must chiong my way liao. Wanna haf a good life for both dada and me, plus my family too. Is time that my future unfolds....
12:54 am
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
(view in unicode)
Finally got a landed myself a job. If nothing goes wrong should be starting next week? Kinda scare. I wonder how many peepe put there have the same feeling as me, to be able to see exactly what is the end of the road. If i could have such eyes to see, i wouldn't be afraid of not being able to chose the correct paths, etc. I would have known exactly what and which paths to take. How is my future going to be like, well, i don't know, it will start unfolding next week.
Cash register have been very dried up already. I don't have anymore means to squeeze anymore bucks out. But i still need to go get at least 2-3 power suits cos i need to wear them when i start work. Where?? Anyone wanna sponser? *shakes head*
I reckon, since i have chosen this path i should take out the confidence that i used to have and just face it. Like many people tell me to "just give it a try" well, alright. I shall pluck up the courage and face the working world.
路还是要自己走出来, 没有走过的路我, 永远也不会知道它到底适不适合. 那我就真的要鼓起勇气, 努力奋斗! 大家为我加油吧！A song to share,
回头看来时的路 总有些复杂感触
我们走的那么辛苦
好不容易才到这地步
不被了解的痛楚
到不了爱的净土
是你让我越过冲突
陪我走过 风雨险阻这一段路
如果开始就能看见幸福
不在别人眼光耳语中迷路
或许我不能把爱看清楚
想把你的手牢牢握住
如果这是通往爱的旅途
也许过程注定要荆棘密布
但我不后悔选择这条路
你的爱让我深深体会
活着的感触
有时我不愿回头看
一路太多眼泪混乱
幸好有你我才变得勇敢
我从不后悔选择这条路
因为你的爱让我看见
活着的幸福
how will the path that i choose be? will i emerge victorious? I just need you by my side.
1:47 pm
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
There is something about me, I HATE TRANSITION PERIOD!!!
I hate being caught in the middle where wherever i need to be heading is not confirm. Its looks like i have a job secured, but its like not so confirm. Wanna start next week, but 2 holidays in a week! wah lau!!! Then they ask me to start the week after next, but then again, i havent sign the letter of appointment yet. So well, things can change
My mind was in a whirl yesterday. Things happen so sudden. I was like left standing there, dunnoe whether to feel excited anot. But one thing i know, i was felt dead tired after a whole day of events. I felt asleep immediately when dada insist that i should go and sleep. Wondering what happen?
I didn't mention last thursday that i send in my resume to 2 places. One is to apply for a job as a rehab officer with the MCYS and another to a headhunter agency. So apparently after 5 mins i send out my resume, Pplesearch called me up to offer me a temp job, which i turn down cos the pay is way too low. $5.5 p/h, no matter how i slog my life away, i am never able to earn. So Pplesearch arrange for me to go down yesterday so we can meet up and they will know what kind of jobs they can help me find.
But apparently things wasn't what it seems to be 5 mins after i enter into the "interview" very casually dress, i was answering and toking craps to whatever they were asking. Then this consultant suddenly turn her topic to asking me if i am interested in working in pplesearch as a consultant. MY gosh! what have i done man? I apparently had no idea what i was in for till my consultant ask me if i am free for the rest of the day cos she would like to arrange a 2nd interview for me with her manager.
I didn't know what was happening was quite puzzled at the request for a "2nd interview" so i called irene, cos she was the one that recommended me to send my resume in to pplesearch. Over the phone, she was like almost screaming "huh? they want to recruit you into their team to a consultant also!" i was like "wtf?"
So anyhow, i went for the 2nd interview la, the manager kept telling me abt life inside pplesearch and such. I was left thinking, am i really game for it. Then i was told i was ot have a 3rd interview, so i waited. Had a good time of sharing with the final manager who saw me yesterday. The feeling was very warmth though i am shivering due to the air con. Very nice person. Infact both managers are very nice person. JUst that the latter gives me a very motherly warmth hahaha.
So i was still in shock till irene told me that pplesearch is keen, for me to join them as a consultant, I was thinking "wah what did i do?"
Anyway the manager ask me to consider about it, cos she understands everything is going very fast. Anyway, given much considerations, i have given them a call to accept the job. Just waiting for them to call me up again. But letter of appointment is not offered yet. So yeah things can change.
Wanna thank dada and irene for coming down especially to acc me. Though irene taking this chance to visit her ex colleagues, but it meant alot for me. Cos i really didn't know what to do.
THANKS ALOT!!
wanna say sorry to dada also. These few days keep picking on him. As in he also got his faults la, but i blew up first. Sorry la, dunnoe why also. Maybe cos i feeling gittery dunnoe where i shld head etc. Is all taking a toll on me. But still i feel so happy that i am able to be of some help to you. So gald tht u clinch the freelance thingy. YEah! Got money liao!! I can hear the cash registers ringing!!! Hehehehe.
What does my future hold for me? i do not know. Alittle scare though. I am afraid i am not able to spend and see much of you. Promise me you'll stay by my side no matter what ok??
7:00 pm
Sunday, October 16, 2005
This week has much been a reflecting week. Certain issues, certain thinking. Maybe that is becos i have finally able to close a chapter and somewhat know where i will be heading, a transition people will call it. Caught in between and feelings are all overwhelmed.
Had much an exciting week though. Am very happy for hear that both good friend of mine passed their driving. One passed on her 4th. The other made us female proud by just accomplishing it on the 2nd attempt. (from most females friends i have, they either got it on 3rd or more tries good and very happy for you.)
Speaking about driving, i really have this unspeakable fear. The trauma of 2 accidents, all small accidents though, is good enough for me to have an overwhelming fear about driving a car. Plus yesterday's incident, nope, Chris did a great job in my opinion. I will definitely not able to do it if i were to be in her position. The night before's 2nd accident had such an impact on me that when i was on the car when chris is driving her first time, when climbing up the slope, when the car suddenly go sliding down, i think fear overtook in a mere second and i scream "brake!". Sorry if u ever read this. My fault, i must scare you and you kept apologsing. Is my fault that i was scare and resulted in a scream which mught have scare you. But u really did very well. Is just my fear for driving. It hasn't gone away from me since the first "bang" i had. Hey, i am honoured to be on a car of a first time driver. --issue 1--
Just read a friend's blog, he was toking about friendship, drifting, just want to say that becos everyone is growing up in their own pace. Some slower, some faster. Drifting thus occur. Friendship is all about give and take. For the sake of a person, you give some and take some. The day u decided to stop giving and taking on this person, that marks the end of a great friendship. Maintenence is effort, more effort put in, this ship called "friendship" will look better and sail smoother.
Sometimes i do wonder do i deserve the many insults that i have received. Although many times i know that it didn't came the way it was intended. Just like a bunch of my friends would call me "gui wang" i wasn't insulted. I know is for fun, although some times, when i wasn't in a perfected mood and i feel like crying. There is this recent friend, ( do i call him a friend? I only hung out with him a few times as his the bf of my close sister) whom got me so insulted. Think he is getting too familiar with me that he thinks is fine to insult me. And still expects me to smile at him. Big tells me to just show him my middle finger next time and keep quiet. --issue 2--
Been thinking alot, looking at what some of my friends are going through, even though there are things which is wrong, i cannot put my foot in and stop her from doing it. --issue 3--
Went to sentosa in the evening time yesterday, to help a friend to win the heart of a ger. I agree with JH. I thot he wants to propose to the ger to marry her! But nonetheless, this friend of mine is a undeniably romantic himself. Guys out there should learnt from him. If i am the ger, i would be so touched. And this friend of mine sure is blessed with many great friends who is willingly to go through the many hours of waiting and fighting tiredness just to help. Yeah friendship is priceless. Sorry that i was not there at the initial planning stage. I could see that everyone is tired. But Xr and me still manage to bring down the candles for you. Hope everything will go well between you and her.
YEsterday went to meet my primary school friends. Wow! thinking of it, it has been a good 10 years already! I had fun meeting and catching up with them.
I am going out now...be back for more....
5:44 pm
Friday, October 14, 2005
*JUMPS WITH JOY*
Yeah!! I graduate from TP lo!! I am a Computer Engineering Graduate!! YEAH!!!!
It never felt so good, to see the "gr" on the sms. Hahaha It just brings a smile on my face and my tuition kid had to ask me what happen. Hahahaha
Jiahua got faith in me le mah? Grad liao leh! Hahahaha Yeah i finally made it!
Wanna thank esp my cousin. I knew she have been praying for me day in and out. She was even more "kan cheong" than i am. Thank God for making her prayers come true. Hahahaha. God is still a good God.
Now i understand why i never win in the lottery, cos my grandma has use all her powers to make me graduate from TP. Thus no more power to let me strike lottery. Hahaha what a crap. But Yeah, i really thought i couldn't make it as it was grandma death period and everyone including me is busy in and out. The fact was that i only got down to study the night before the maths exam. I was really scare. But now i pass. Nonetheless still YEAH!!!
Can u imagine?? Faithy is a computer engineering graduate!!! Is like faithy and engineering dun mix together. But i actually got myself a cert from engineering. All these years of very hardwork. Really hardwork. I never find myself understanding very phrase in engineering that i was studying or going through. But i amazingly have this a certain bit of understanding for programming. But heck! I NEVER have to do maths again! NOT engine maths anymore!!!
Hahahaha!! Kinda miss those kind lecturers that have helped me, especially mr steven tan. He never taught me, but he never look down on me and help me achieve the best time table, encourage me even though he knew in his heart that i only have the half bucket of water. ms shirley joseph, for encouraging me to look bright ahead of what that is install for me when i have no confidence of the future at all. I will remember you two. Both of you left a deep mark in my poly life. ms khin, the first ever teacher that i clash with. You still pass me in the end. So thank you very much.
Yeah! I graduate liao. Close of another chapter in my life. I am going to start a new one. Wish me luck!
11:47 am
Friday, October 07, 2005
I am starting to miss mah mah. Miss the fried rice that is ever so nice when she was still able to cook. Miss those days when the ice-cream uncle comes with a ling-a-ling-a-ling, i will pull and tug at her sleeve and ask her to bring me down to buy my favourite ice-cream. She will always bring me and not forgeting to buy a few more for the rest of my family.
Though in her later years, she became quite unbearable, but maybe this was what the chinese sayings, "you'll only know how to cherish when u lose it."
Yeah, i have lost her forever.
12:50 pm
Monday, October 03, 2005
A day late but nonetheless
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
9:18 pm
A series of unfortunate events = down of luck?
Haven't been blogging. Been busy these days. Never really believe in luck. But circumstances have taken over me that i am left with nothing to move on with.
I was intending to have a wonderful weekend. But it never came to pass. I receive a bad news on my way to tuition that my granny had pass away during her nap. Call me a brat. Call me wicked. I didn't cry, instead i asked her in my heart why did she chose to leave this world at such a timing. I was suppose to help xianrong with his 21st birthday celebration over the weekend. I had a Maths sup paper to take on Monday afternoon. My granny chose to leave this world on thursday evening. Her cremation was today. Which apparently, i couldn't make it. My paper is 2.30pm in the noon. And hers is 3pm. I miss everything that i had planned beforehand.
Perhaps, is everything that i have been doing which wears me out throughly. Late nights, waking up early, helping ou at the wake, making tons of calls to make sure everything runs well over at his side. Sneaking in and out of house, just so i could go take good care of him, coming back only at the wee hours, to continue mugging for my paper.
Finally everything's over. And i am suddenly left with telling myself, what's the use of doing all these? I am so worn out. Wan is the word to describe me. I was suppose to coping with a lost of a loved one. But yet i worrying if everything is going fine over at his side, making upteem calls. People might say that i can jolly don't bother about it. But i feel equally terrible enough not being able to fulfill my promise to give him the best birthday he ever had.
Through this period, i do finally know who are those who really cared and who are those whom i can depend on.
Finally everything's over. Circumstances is something that i wouldn't want to cope with. I chose to walk on my own time, on my own beliefs. I always believe in having to show their support throughly when someone they love is in need. I though for a moment that i am the one in need, but why am i the one feeling like i have just given all i have. After all these, am i even, being appreciated at all? Why issit that the people who are showing me care and concern are from people whom i don't expect? People may tell me circumstances prevails. I still believe even if it is circumstances prevails, there is other way to show that u cared and support.
Why am i giving, when i am suppose to be at my lowest?? No wonder i feel so terribly tired.
I feel a distance. Something that i have never felt before. Something is becoming vague. I cannot explain it.
I feel like i can sleep for 10 years before i wake up the next time.
8:53 pm
