Wednesday, December 29, 2004

One more week of 2004 and is all over. So much of an emotion for the year 2004. Was talking to a friend on what was the best and worse thing that has happen to you in this 2004. For her was nothing much, but the ebst thing she said that happened was her job. She found a very good job. It was my turn, i took awhile and ponder. The answer was XR. ok, this is not another dedication of my love for him or whatever. But there were many times in my life where i was left thinking, what could have happen to me if i hasn't met him during my lowest point in life. I started the year 2004 in a lowest note i could go. It was a terrible start. I didn't even know what to do with my life, i was left shattered into pieces and was picking myself up piece by piece and this someone came along stood by side and pick up those pieces with me. I am very grateful to him, my love, becos he brought in the the warmth, companionship and happiness.

This year's xmas was so different. Yes, very because i didn't spend it in church. I actually miss
celebrating xmas in church, i miss all the fun, the lovely feeling, the carols, the drama etc. I
chose a quieter get together. On the actual day, i finally got the xmas feeling back cos i went back to spend it with my cell group members. Quite fun, sabo the bdae babies. Then i went to spend some time alone with dada, then movie with xinyu and gang. KUNG FU HUSTLE is so damn funny!!!! But is like the funny and chinese version of Matrix. The best part came next where we went to surprise Mingzhi cos of his bdae and we ended up playing MONOPOLY at dat fong's house. Played till 5.30am man!! And i am very glad that dada actually enjoyed himself.

Have to start woking on my new year resolution soon. Was suddenly reminded of that year where we sat down at airport to write down our resolution. That was the past anyway. I ended 2004 with a choice i never wanted to make. To some, and to me i ended this year with a bad note. I ended my church life, just like that. I hope to go back one day. But am feeling very lost. I still don't know where i should head, what i should do. And now, i just want to be at my most comfortable level. I love my dada, and i would want to have a great 2005 with him. And of cos for the many more years to come. The best thing that has happen to me in the year 2004.

2 more days to 2005. Enough time for a miracle???

11:03 am

Monday, December 27, 2004

1:21 pm

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Guess what??? And you will never get to believe it. Is now 9.07am. Guess where i just came from??? Nope...not the usual place which is home..I came back from Tampines Mall!! Nope i didn't purposely went there got breakfast. I went there for some shopping!!! Amazing and interesting right?? Hahahahaha. I just went to Mango year end sale and i got myself a sweater that i have wanted to buy long time ago and is on 50% discount. Imagine??? 8am in the morning. I was there shopping and squeezing with all the people. Hahahaha first time in my whole life i did shopping so early. Ok even if i am going to the market i have never make it there so early. First time ok???? 8am shopping and i actually got myself something.

I went with jenny and justina, and i think the both of them got more things then i do. I had to leave early because i have to clock in before 9am. But thank God i had to leave early if not i would have spent even more money. I am totally flat le. And actually feeling alittle regret buying that sweater. But it was on 50% discount le. Now i got myself into a situation where i hav no money for my transport. I actually still have abit la, but that will be for my dinner gathering later. Sended a msg to ask if we can change to a cheaper place. I am really broke. Wonder how am i going to last till the end of the week.

Went shopping also yesterday night, bought some gifts for gift exchange and bought dada a present. I didn't know what to get la, but i hope he likes it. He did mention before that it is nice. 9.15am, and i am wondering if i should get home and get some money for my travelling later. Dun ask me how come my ez-link card no money....the reason is simple.....NO MONEY TO TOP UP LA!!!!!!! Hahahahahahhahaha

Yesterday night was dada's first guard duty since he entered army, of cos there are more to come. Hahahaha. Then i heard some stories from sherry jie jie about Nee Soon camp. I didn't know that the "third door" camp is actually nee soon camp, have always thot it to be in tekong. Hahahaa. Cool...must ask dada about it. Hehehehe. Arrghhh!!! Is going to be another day of nothing to do. Ok, i should do some research on Scorm before tml comes. Cheerios. And is 2 more days to CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

9:06 am

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Arrgghh!! My hand hurts. Due to too much using of the computer and my hand position is not right. I was surfing through flowerpod again. Then this insecure feelings came again. Nah, i only didn't trust this particular person, no i am not afraid becos i know that she will not be able to chance upon my blog. But what the others say was quite true. If she hasn't had any feeling for my guy, then why would she feel so weird if i am around?? Then if she really is just a very good friend, why wouldn't she want to know who is her good friend's gf??

I am very particular about this. I am perfectly fine with any other female friends. Just not this one. Whoever that exist as his friend or his very good friend i have no bad feelings about it. But just this particular one which i find it very weird and everytime i think of it, i just feel very uncomfortable. My bf is no longer just my bf anymore. He has become my Significant Other. And i do get very sensitive with these kind of things. I am just wondering, with whoever i am fine, perfectly fine. But anything to do with this particular person...is like a no no. It just come naturally.

Ok, i am at it again. Getting myself think of things that are obviously not a problem at the moment. Hahaha. Ok now i feel so much better. At least i never keep it within myself. Actually call it, the female sixth sense or something. I just dun feel good about her. If there could be a way. I would wish she get off our back. Like i say, yap, she will never get to read this. Maybe i am just thinking too much.

Its 4.45pm. Another 45mins to clocking out. I have to teach tuition tonight. Actually i dun really feel like teaching this particular kid. I dunnoe if any of you understand how i feel. I am ok with teaching, but not this kid. Is nothing to do with the kid. Of just say is me, i dun like the kid at the first impression. I am wondering how do i get myself out of this. Help me!!!!!!!!! is not his fault la, just that we dun have the "yuan fen" i think. I wish i could help him, but deep down i really feel like i can't help him la, i also dunno why.

4:30 pm

Monday, December 20, 2004

My day is so boring man...i thought after last week...week 2 will be good, at least with some stuffs to do, but i was wrong. I have officially nothing to do till coming thursday. Arrgghh...and today is only monday. arrgghh!!!

My "ben ben" dada, forgot to send me my gif file he did for me yesterday. Attach the wrong pics..so now i got nothing to do for the whole week..maybe i shall take this time to search and look through and revamp my blog for the coming new year.

I had the most exciting excursion yesterday, i send dada into nee soon camp. So we embark on our journey and boarded bus no. 74 at 8.45pm. It took us about 45mins to reach Ang Mo Kio where we had to wait for bus no. 169 to go to nee soon camp. Dada alight about 15 -20 mins later and i continue my ride on 169 as it terminates at woodlands where i can take 168 home. It tookme another about 45mins before i reach woodlands. Then thereafter i changed to 168 which will bring me home and that took me another about 45 mins. wah....8.30pm till almost 12am, i am travelling on the bus lor....plus somemore, i didn't know that bus 169 brings you 3 SAF camps in the north. Nee Soon, Katib and another one in sembawabg which i dunnoe the name. Then 168 brings me to the front of Selatar Camp. Wah...one nght i visited the entrances of 4 army camps. Hahahaha. Very tiring, but very fun, my eyes were opened wide, asi have never been too these places before. And now i know where the sunshine bread factory is. Hahahahha

One friend say i very good lat, send my dada in despite the inconvienience, having to travel so long, na, dada didn't want me to go with him, i insisted. I knew his training is tough, very siong, and i know is not easy to be serving national service. Some might think, "wah, must you be controlling until like tht meh, he go back back you must also follow.." Whatever you might think, but to me, i wanted to help him, but there is nothing i can do to hlep him throughout the week, i can't help him lessen his stress and burden while he is inside. And the only time he can enjoy is when he books out, i didn't want him to after having fun le, then go back to that living hell himself, i didn't want him to feel alone travelling so far to where he didn't really like to stay in. And i didn't want him to come home alone. At least be by his side to accompany him. Even if he were to fall asleep on the journey. At least i am with him. My friend ask if i am going to do that every week, i guess my answer is yes. Unless dada seriously dosen't want me to acc him.

One and half hours more...arrrrgghh!! help me....my arms hurts sia...after tyoing non stop from 9-530pm. arrgghh!!!

3:34 pm

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Yeah..is going to come to end soon. Turning back to think alot of times, the things that had happened. I could only just smiled and say "Wow..what an eventful year.." From the so much tears, so much hurts, so much heartbreaks to the so much laughter, so much fun and so much love, Wow..indeed it is eventful.

Everything felt like it just happened yesterday, it still felt so real, but painful no more. I am enjoying myself right now, and i am truely happy after all this while. Yes, this is the choice i have made. Be it to just find my identity as someone girlfriend or whatever, i didn't even mind if others would think of me as if i am like a little dog, always twirling, cuddling him. I am happy. XR asked me something yesterday and it touched my heart. He asked if i felt that the both of us are pretty stable in our relationship, i say YES of cos. I want it end 2004 this way..and it shall be it. 2 more weeks for a "miracle" to happen. If its meant to be, then it shall be it.

Somethings is definitely wrong with me, i always get fever on weekends this month. I think is becos i didn't have proper rest for the weekdays and i finally breakdown when it comes to weekends. OK, i shall have lots and lots of rest so that i can fully enjoy my XMAS. Looking forward to the dinner i am going to have on the 23rd and the 24th. So exciting, i can spend time with my friends and this gonna be the first time i spend XMAS with my dada. Yippie!!!!

1:48 pm

Friday, December 17, 2004

Hurray!!! Last 20 mins to clocking out time!!!! Yeah!!!! Oh man...this is terrible, beening in school and doing nothing, just stare at the computer and do nothing. But is ok!!! today is the friday!!! And i can finally get to see my beloved dada again!!!! Hahahaha. It doesn't matter where we are going later, as long as i get to hug him and talk to him in his embrace can already!! hahahahahahaha. * sings "she's so high....."* Hahahahaha.

Spent over what i am suppose to spend today. See that's what i mean. When i have nothing to do, i will go for more tea breaks. Take longer lunch break. And thus spending more money. Even if is just 35cents for a cupof tea, over a week you can save quite abit!!! Just imagine two cups of tea which is 70cents a day?? And that cost me $3.50 already!!! I am truely broke, and next week is Christmas already!!!! Arrgghhh!!!!

Ok, i shall be back for more...time is running out...i want to go queue outside and wait paitiently to clock out!!! Cheerios.

5:08 pm

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

I am feeling so bored right now. Is already the third day at "work", and i am still doing nothing, practically really nothing, and just sit in front of the computer from 9-5.30pm and just surf my way through the world wide web. Is really boring actually, and i feel like as if i am wasting time. I wanted to do a head start, but there is really nothing to do other then just to wait for our "employer" to come back from his leave.

Oh man, i need my baby here with me. Miss him terribly man. I don't know why either. Hasn't been feeling good (physically, mentally) and i don't know why also.

Yesterday, the always wanna be "superstar" qingy and me had our fair share of fun playing Kaien's HP. That was so funny, we had our "disappearing" act 3 videos, but the first one was the best, the most retarded and the most funny. Hahahaha, we really literally rolled on the floor and laugh when we saw it.

I should get a few things done by today. If not i feel so arrghhhh for not doing anything. I have a CU briefing later at 2 though, and that will explain why my project is so exceptionally fantastic( difficult). ha!!!

10:21 am

Monday, December 13, 2004

Today start school, now in the boring lab doing nothing. Everything will only start officially next week as the person requesting us to do the project is on leave till next week, and our supervisor had little idea what the whole project is about. Just got to know that ours is a industrial project. Just that this "outside" company is TP. Funny right??? hahahaha. This project is quite tough tough. Serve us right for wanting a challenging project. We are suppose to develop an application for developers to develop eLearning courseware. Sounds very chim hor?? I also dunnow what is that. I only know that i was shocked by the lecturer when she asked us to photostat the whole of .net instructor book. And the book is like super thick lor...we had to get the thickest file we can find to file the whole thing up. Just install the SQL server, and i can't install Visual Studio cos one of the disc is cracked. So much of taking care of the CD ROMs. Hahahaha. And now i finally know where part of our school fees goes to. All those super expensive CD-ROMs, and the software room have numerals of it.

Today is actually quite a significant day, for dada and me. Cos dada is going to his newly appointed vocation to spend the next 5 months there, and i starting a new semester (SIP). Was wanting to send dada to nee soon camp this morning but i couldn't get to sleep yesterday and when i finally fall asleep, i miss the time to wake up and i only woke up in time for school. Bad me. Hahahaha. Wonder how is dada doing in his new place.

Oh no, i am really super duper bored. I can't imagine myself living this kind of life for the next few months. But then again, is only nothing to do for this week, after that should be touching the project already. Wonder how everything will go. Hmmm....Wonder and wonder and wonder......

2:42 pm

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Actually i can't believe that 2004 is going to end. And i can't believe it that i am getting older soon. I thought i just celebrated my ** birthday, and then bam!!!! is gonna be ** for me. Arrgghh!!!! It is so depressing to think that i am getting older and older. I am 2 years short of my dream "getting wed" age. But i think i will never wed in my dream age lah!! Is really so hard to want to pave out a route for ourselves to walk, because whatever we wanted will not happen due to unforseen circumstances.

I shall recap my 2004, but not now, i need to go back to school for a briefing and i am excited to know which supervisor i will be under and what kind of project that i will be stuck with for this coming 2005, and how i shall make it interesting if there is ever abit of boring-ness. Ha!!

Cheerios.

Happy 9th month anniversary dear!!!

1:18 pm

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I had fish and co today. Cos JH is going into army on thursday. So fast, now seems like everyone is in army already, and one good thing for me is that i have learnt to acustom to be really involved in the army guys conversation. Ok it sounds funny, but dada's friends basically are all in army, so whenever they meet up army topics will just pop out. So i tell myself that i cannot lose out on all those outings, so i shall get interested in all those conversations so as not to get bored, which turn out to be quite fun actually. Hahahaha.

School starting tml. At least for the briefing la. The actual thing am not sure.

Going to gym tml morning then to school for briefing.

Dada, 1hr and 10 mins more will be our 9th month anniversary. Wah....time really past very fast hor...Happy 9th month anniversary dear. I love you.

10:39 pm

Monday, December 06, 2004

Went to Toa Payoh today to see how a gaming finals looks like. Hahaha but is like nothing interesting anyway. Then i met irene and van to shop around Toa Payoh central, bought a pair of pants and i bought a super cheap bag at only $5 nia!!! So happy!!!!!

While dada was having his dinner in ECP, we watched this documentary show on channel U. "Leng Nuan Ren Jian" I was so touched. I wanted to cry when i saw the baby born deformed, and how the parents came to singapore to accept help from singapore doctors to correct the baby's deformity through surgery as much as they can do. My heart just went out to this baby girl. Seeing all those stables used to hold her head scare tight, the cast on her tiny legs, etc, i could feel her pain. I went through a minor surgery before, just two cuts under my armpits and i cried and scream like crazy due to the enormous pain, and for a tiny baby to go through all those major surgery, imagine the kind of pain they are put into, how would a young baby know what is pain? I was soften, I admired the parents, i admired all the parents in this world who has child that is either born deform, intellectually challenged or etc. They would not give up on their child a single bit and will willingly give their whole life to care and love this child of theirs. I learnt about how dada's sister become a physically and mentally handicap, due to bursting of a blood clot in her brains when she was still a baby. I admire dada's mum, i have seen lots of cases like these, on tv and when i visit the JAMS church. But i have never had a case so close in my life. For the past 9 months, i have seen how dada's mum and dad, bathe, feed, play and talk to her. And i have always enjoyed those moments with them. Just like what dada says, to his sister, there is no sadness, no spot of dirt in her mind. Everything is just pure and simple. I enjoyed watching the whole family sit around the living room and eat together, i felt warmth.

Maybe alot of people would say that i wouldn't know anything, but i just thought for a moment that having to care for child like this is an honor from God. Of cos, every parents in this world would want a healthy and normal child. Every child, normal and healthy or not is still very precious. It takes unfailing love and care, a sacrificial spirit to care for child that needs special attention. If God hasn't seen these parents with these kind of large hearts, he will never place these special child into these parents life. He wouldn't want to place this special child into the hands of a uncaring parent, even healthy and normal babies are being abandon everyday in this world, whats more a not loving, uncaring narrow hearted parent would do to a harmless child who needs special attention? So i say "IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT OR YOU OWE THIS CHILD ANYTHING FROM YOUR PREVIOUS LIFE, IT IS JUST SIMPLY BECOS GOD SAW THAT YOU HAVE A VERY BIG HEART, SO GOD ENTRUST THIS SPECIAL CHILD INTO YOUR HANDS."

Some of you might say that is easy for me to say. If i ever know that i would have a special child, i will still gladly accept it and bring this child into this world, If my relationship with xianrong can last a lifetime, i will gladly take up the responsibility to look after his sister. Becos i tell myself that i will use my whole life to love this man, so i will, if he will to take me into his family, i will love his sister just the same he loves her.

Schools starting this week. So fast eh?? hahahahaha. I think so too. But i have been lobo-ing for very long. Is actually a good thing that school is starting. hahahahaha.

1:36 am

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Saw this from the IS magazine while waiting for daphne just now. I never believe in star signs, but i chance aaupon this and i thought is pretty touching and very nice..at least for my situation now...

["Centuries of travel lore suggest that when we no longer know where to turn, our real journey has just begun." I hope that's a perfect description of your current state. It may not be obvious yet, but losing your direction is the best gift you could have possibly been given. Being unsure of your next move is a crucial development in your life story, and a virtual guarantee that you will be in the right place at the right time for a divine intervention a few weeks from now.]

I am at least comforted.

Goodnight.

1:46 am

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Wat a day i had today. I went suntec to help ian out with his camp thing. Actually i was super tired and at the same time not feeling very well, but i promised him already, so i went anyway. I thought will start on time but in the end i waited for around 2 hours before i actually see the first group. So i actually zo bo for 2 hours, and those who know me knows that i can get quite foul mood when i had practically nothing to do and when i felt like i am wasting my time. But is ok becos i promise to, so must fulfill it, but at the end when i see those teams come looking for me, actually quite fun la. Hahahaha.

Ok the beginning of the day wasn't so bad, this coming part is the killer and it got me so super pissed and angry. You see, i was suppose to go down to sengkang, a total new place to me to go collect the POP tickets for Xianrong from one of his army mates mom. Xianrong smsed me the address and hp no. to call. So i called, only to realise that is Mr Tan, not Mrs Tan. Ok, nevermind, this part not important anyway, this is the best part. This army mate of XR, apparently is the sucker and cockster of the whole 'L' coy, turn out to didn't even know where he live!! OMG!!!!The address he ask XR to give to me is actually his new address where is still RENOVATING!!!! You can imagine the shock i had in my face when i saw the unti. The worker thought i was crazy. So i called the dad up. Only to realise that i was given the wrong address and they havent even shift in. Ok now, imagine the sengkang MRT is in the middle. The address he gave me was on the extreme right of sengkang, and i was there already. Then the dad told me that his stupid son had given the wrong address and that they are still staying on the extreme left of sengkang. Kaoz, can you see my face?? it got twisted when i heard how he directed me to the old address. And mind you, it was drizzling. So i shouldered the rain and walk all the way to the left side of the suppose address and got my tickets. And you must be thinking how nice, can go home already. No please, READ THIS. I realise that i only got ONE bus back to tamp. And you know where the bus stop is??? Is right BACK AT THE EXTREME RIGHT OF SENGKANG. So i walked all the way back just to take one bus. And at the moment i was so pissed. WHo on earth would not know where he stays??? Oh come on man. This stupid dumb ass didn't even know his actual address and gave me a address which is yes, his but no one is staying there because is still renovating!!!! In another words, he didn't even know where he lives!!!!! So i sms XR and ask him whether this cockster mate in this 'L' coy sleeps on the streets???? ANd the thing is i heard all so much stories about him before which really left me wondering did he come out right from the movie called "army daze" The things he does i think can only be found in movies and not real life anymore. And yet i hear stories from XR and his other army mates about this cockster. And i never really knew anyone so blur and brainless teill i heard about him. And today finally i got to know why people in the camp dun like him and why they like to scold him. I almost wanted to burn his house down!!!!!!!!!! damn!!!!

I saw my cousin on suntec today while waiting for the teams, and she commented that i add on some fats. Arrgghhh!!!!! I AM REALLY FAT!!!!!! I AM A FAT PIG!!!! I AM FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT. I shall STOP EATING STOP EATING STOP EATING STOP EATING STOP EATING. I only had a sandwich for dinner today.

10:02 pm

Came back from KL. Now is super tired. Wanna type alot but my fingers are shaking abit. But, i bought quite abit front the trip. And most importantly, i learnt a very good lesson from the trip. And i have said enough to one of my best bud. And am waiting to relate the whole thing again to my dearly beloved Xianrong.

But overall is quite a ok trip. I love sherry the most. Always taking care of me like a big sister, and that is why i like to call her sherry jie jie. Hehehehe.

Koonz time. Goodnight

2:11 am

Welcome!

there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so..then that is just too bad.

It's Me

I love flowers.
I love pink.
I'm stubborn and messy; absolutely lazy.
I mahjong till dawn,
I shop till dusk.
That's coz...
I'm who i AM.
And a beautifully FAT one too.

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