Monday, October 03, 2005
A series of unfortunate events = down of luck?
Haven't been blogging. Been busy these days. Never really believe in luck. But circumstances have taken over me that i am left with nothing to move on with.
I was intending to have a wonderful weekend. But it never came to pass. I receive a bad news on my way to tuition that my granny had pass away during her nap. Call me a brat. Call me wicked. I didn't cry, instead i asked her in my heart why did she chose to leave this world at such a timing. I was suppose to help xianrong with his 21st birthday celebration over the weekend. I had a Maths sup paper to take on Monday afternoon. My granny chose to leave this world on thursday evening. Her cremation was today. Which apparently, i couldn't make it. My paper is 2.30pm in the noon. And hers is 3pm. I miss everything that i had planned beforehand.
Perhaps, is everything that i have been doing which wears me out throughly. Late nights, waking up early, helping ou at the wake, making tons of calls to make sure everything runs well over at his side. Sneaking in and out of house, just so i could go take good care of him, coming back only at the wee hours, to continue mugging for my paper.
Finally everything's over. And i am suddenly left with telling myself, what's the use of doing all these? I am so worn out. Wan is the word to describe me. I was suppose to coping with a lost of a loved one. But yet i worrying if everything is going fine over at his side, making upteem calls. People might say that i can jolly don't bother about it. But i feel equally terrible enough not being able to fulfill my promise to give him the best birthday he ever had.
Through this period, i do finally know who are those who really cared and who are those whom i can depend on.
Finally everything's over. Circumstances is something that i wouldn't want to cope with. I chose to walk on my own time, on my own beliefs. I always believe in having to show their support throughly when someone they love is in need. I though for a moment that i am the one in need, but why am i the one feeling like i have just given all i have. After all these, am i even, being appreciated at all? Why issit that the people who are showing me care and concern are from people whom i don't expect? People may tell me circumstances prevails. I still believe even if it is circumstances prevails, there is other way to show that u cared and support.
Why am i giving, when i am suppose to be at my lowest?? No wonder i feel so terribly tired.
I feel a distance. Something that i have never felt before. Something is becoming vague. I cannot explain it.
I feel like i can sleep for 10 years before i wake up the next time.
8:53 pm
