Friday, June 24, 2005
For the 1st time in my whole life, i broke down due to stress. I cried when dada called me yesterday night.
I hasn't tried feeling so brain dead before that i don't feel like doing anything anymore. I stared on my monitor for upteem hours, and i still couldn't get myself myself going. I open the up the report, type my first sentence, and i didn't know how to carry on. I couldn't piece my sentence properly, i couldn't think of a proper word to use. In my heart, i was very anxious, as i was to show my draft today, and i hasn't get it going. I tried my best, but nothing came out. I never felt so dead before. And i told myself to go have a rest. And i cried when dada called to check on me yesterday night. I handed on a piece of white paper with only few workings on for my maths quiz yesterday. I knew the basics, as in i know how to do it, it was easy, but at the point of time, my brain just don't work. It was dead. Get what i mean? no matter how hard i tried, nothing came out of it.
I feel like i am the only one chiong-ing. Is so hard to fight things alone. I had the ability of doing many things at the same time. But i never tried feeling so alone and stress till i broke down. And i cried the second time when i woke up this morning.
But i had a good night sleep yesterday night. And though i never woke up in the morning to do my draft, i think i had set myself on good record that the supervisor was kind and understanding enough to let me not show her anything. She told us that the group is one of the few she had that she didn't need to worry, so i could skip the submitting of draft part and go direct to the final submission( the most stress part). She also add in a little pressure la, by telling us she would desire( yes, that is the exact word she used.) a A report from our group.
At least most of the things i needed to do for other subjects are all done and submitted. I could concentrate soley on the fnal submission for next friday. Rest one more day, things will be fine i suppose. Termtest in 2 weeks time. I am afraid of dcode. cham. good gracious, first time i my whole life i am so damn stress.
ciaos. i feel better after pening my thoughts.
(ps: flash is getting some improvement. Thank God.)
(p.s.s: oh! i forgot that i actually have one more stupid LS report/survey not done! shit! damn!)
2:12 pm
