Monday, May 23, 2005
Alright!! Worship me for my cranky, snobbish attitude!!! I am just the straight-forward kind. While i hate people stepping on my toes, i do step in theirs. But hey, i do apologise to. Sorry.
But then, let me say maybe you might need to apologise to. Put urself in my shoes, u might undertstand how exactly i feel. I LITERALLY hated when u guys cancel and cancel outings on me literally. There have never been once, one thing is said, planned nicely, then off we go!! Ok, maybe not ALWAYS. BUT if u come to think of it. Everytime u guys cancell outings, i happen to be involved. And everytime, u guys had actually a outing last minute plan or whatever. I was never informed till later.
Imagine you being me. How would u feel? How Literally would you feel? Please tell me?? I am very dumb in my social ettiqutte or whatever u call that. Oh yeah, i am bad in PR. WHen i am angry, i tell u i am angry. When i am sad, i tell u i am sad. When i am happy, i wouldn't need to tell you. U could tell the moment u see me.
Guess i do lose some and gain some in a certain way. I just can't take it anymore when i had to lower my expectations so much on my beloved friends. Having to not take hours beforehand so that i can bring my best to show them, make up nicely, dress nicely to meet them up. Becos i have to expect them to cancel on me last min? I actually feel terrible. I felt terrible that i couldn't give u a confirmation becos i have to expect that u have a high chance in cancelling something u were toking about so excitedly over the week. U knew already that i was coming even if my stupid mouth says "see how Lor"
When i plan to meet you. The whole day is meant for you. U cancel at the last hour makes me feel naked and lost at the very last. Imagine i had already dress nicely, on my way out to meet another person so that we both can make our way down for the outing. LAst minute u tell me cancel how do u expect me to feel? Don't say, both of you can still go out and have fun what. In the first place, that spirit is dampen. Where the hell will fun come? Though i am a stupid PBL student. Like i say, i am stupid. I may be a PBL student, that doesn't mean i can be customed to problem scenerios everytime 24/7. I am only human. And yes, i am stupid to have trusted and trusted and trusted, that my friends are truely wanting to spend time with the fu*King me attitude me. U tell me if i really have to not trust anyone from now on. And put on the mindset that all outings planned before hand will be cancelled. But i am not brought up to think that way. Please tell me how to do it.
Something i do know, when i do extremely feel terrible and would like o do something else. I will still turn up for outings i say i will make it. ( of cos i failed one or two but all these doesnt happen everytime). Even if i am cranky, i will make sure that i turn up and crank everyone of you up. SOrry that me. Tell me that u don't like it. I will stay away from you.
I dunnoe what to say now. One incident alone can cause my whole trust system to go alittle downside. Maybe all these are retributions to all my bad doings. Ok i deserve it. And one point proven from now on. That is, i have a "FLY ME AEROPLANE" face. Everyone single one is flying aeroplane on my behalf. Alright i deserve it. Happy?
I seriously have no idea what else to say, other then that i miss my bigbig so much, so that i hated RSAF to the core.
3:13 am
