Monday, May 30, 2005
School started for a week aready..feeling very tired as homeworks are already piling up. And i still have my MP at the back of my mind. After starting school for one week, i realise i had to work doubly hard for myself. With the groupings i've got, it doesn't look good at all. And people have already started getting into their clicks and so on. Not that i felt out of the way, but i just got a feeling that i can't depend totally on them. And it seem like i have to do everything for my Computer Networking.
Still wondering how my MP is going to happen. None of my group members are showing the effort in wanting to carry on. And i felt like, i shouldn't be the only one, worrying about it. If no one cares, then dun care lor, Anyway, i can afford the time.
Having this thingy about team work now, can't seems to trust literally anyone. In fact in any aspect of my life. I've got this taken for a ride feeling. I have this tendency that the "the grass on the other side seems better thinking" meaning, it actually felt better, i should shut myself up and do everything by myself, in my own world.
Just watched the 5.30pm show. The 16 year old girl was under so much pressure that she went into depression which thus leads to mental health problems. At a point of the show, they show the girl going for conselling sessions and she couldn't speak or write down what she was thinking, so she drew a picture of a rainy day, and a little swallow was caught in the mid air flying through the heavy rain. I felt a moment of click when i saw it. Ok, not that i am hinting that i might be in depression, i just felt, u know... but i have always encourage people to verbalise what they are feeling on the inside, so as to get everything out and you'll feel much much better. I should be doing the same, and carry on embracing my life like how i have always been.
I always have my dada, doting on me, wanting to hear very single thing that i went through and comfort whenever i felt down. But i tend to overlook his, and he tend to overlook his own too. Many a times, things happen in camp, and he only tell me like 2 to 3 days after that. I just wanna let you know that i also want to share your unhappiness with you, even though you always say that there is nothing interesting in camp, i just want you to tell me the things that have happen to you. Every phonecall was only toking about me, i dun want that. I want to hear about you too. Remember to pop in more chocolates whenever u feel irritated or sad over the place or the people. I have always believe that you are place in PLAB for a reason. You always got the most tedious and most important task. To you, it might be "shit work" but, because you are the most hardworking among the other 3 that is posted into the camp with you. I never hear you taking MCs, and i seldom see you becos you always have important things to clear for your sergent. Whenever i ask you to take MC, becos everyone is throwing their work to you, you always say you can't just leave like that. And you still bare through every single thing without complain. To others, who take advantage of you becos of your kindness, others who might think you are just another "Sha Gua", but to me, you are another HERO, that i look up to. And i love you for having that character trait in you, and you always make me feel so small hearing what you do and stuff. Anyway, i am meant to be your "Xiao Nu Ren" ma. HEhehehe
Is just monday, and i feeling extermely tired after one whole day of school. I wanted to go jogging, but my mind and body is so tired that i am now stuck on my chair and could simply just doze off here.
Forgive me, if my entries becomes little. School is making me crazy. I feel like drinking, anyone?
6:47 pm
