Friday, October 01, 2004

Dada left. Left to be moulded to become a man, to a island where all sons of singapore must go. A place where they learn how to protect the country, be well train and well equipped in times of need, to counter any terrorist attack that is planned against Singapore. And dada left, to fulfill his calling as a real man.

I didn't expect it to come so soon. It feels like it was just as if it was yesterday, that we celebrated when he passed his Napfa and he could spend more time with me before he goes into the army. And it feels like it was just yesterday that we just ahd a little hoilday, becos it is still a month away from his enlistment, then BOOM!! He is now a newly pledge NS man.

Have been spending time with him this past week, and of cos it was as enjoyable as ever, just abit of pre-enlistment here and there, but other than that, everything else was great. And i could still remember, on the 25th, we cried together, becos we knew we only had one week left.

I told myself not to cry today, and i am glad i didn't. I forced myself not to. Yesterday night, i had sms him all that i wanted to say to him afraid that i would have no courage to say infront of his parents, I cried as i type and send the message. First time, i felt someone so close to me had to leave my side to somewhere else. I dragged my feet to his house this morning, i had always drag this day to come, cos i know after today, i have to learn to be independent, and i would not be able to enjoy his presence, his sturdy hugs and soft kisses again as often and as much as i want to. I saw the few times when he eyes would turn red. He said it was the new specs that made his eyes uncomfortable. I dunnoe, i choose to stay quiet. I know he will feel sad, becos all that he use to do, love to do, likes to do have to become history from now on. Maybe some, he could still touch them once a while. And i know he has been re-remembering the past, all the good times. And he is going to miss that whole part of it from now on. I will turn my eyes away when my eyes turn watery, i didn't want him to see it.

I promise him that i will learn to be independent, i will wait for him every week, i will definitely look very much forward to spend that very precious few hrs. And i made him promise me to stay healthy, eat well and sleep well. I know he wouldn't eat, if the food is no good.

This was actually the second time that i went tekong with him. We went once, almost six and half months ago, on the 10 of march. Just only 3 days into our relationship. It felt different as we travalled on the ferry to tekong. I told him just now that tekong was actually our place. Cos, it was during that tekong trip, that we annouce our relationship to friends around us. I still remember some shocked faces, some who tease and his friends who wun believe him that he got himself a girlfriend, so he held my hand up high in the jetty to prove to his friends. Sure it was a memorable place. But it felt so different today. Becos, we are going in together, but only i am coming out, and he is staying in.

As i left, i tried very hard to fight my tears back, I didn't wanted to look at him, i hugged him then quickly turn my back and left. How much i wanted his hand to come and bring me home. I dropped a tear, but i think his mom didn't see. I could see that his mom was trying hard too. Saying lame jokes, trying to find topics to talk...i could feel the uneasiness...the sadness. In the morning while we were going in, there were worried, tired faces, but the atmosphere was lively. While we were going back, the whole ferry, the full load of bus, are all filled with sad, red eyed faces. Their faces were filled with tiredness and sadness. All the women, mothers and girlfirends have the same looks. All stare into the blue sky, with thoughts in their mind. And the fathers and uncles will be sleeping with their mouth open. I remember there was this girl whose boyfriend is enlisting today, our eyes met, and at that moment, i could feel how she was feeling, We just click by our glances. We are all here to send our boyfriends.

Two years and two months, actually will soon be over. ya, is not as if i can't see him during this time, i am so much far more better than those out there who have their boyfriends in overseas studying or working. At least i could still see him once a week. I know is going to be tough for the first few weeks. But i know i will be able to adapt. And i will learn to live my life independent, with his trust. I refused to let him say goodbye to me, but only "see you in few weeks time". I kept asking him does he has anything to say to me, but just when he was going in, he told me that i must wait for him, that he is only afraid that i wun wait. I teared. Without him seeing. I was leaning on his slender body. Later i asked him again, what if i didn't do what i promise, he gave a gentle "box" on my head. Hahahahaha. We were having our last fight before i board the ferry. Hahahaha, he knew he could, and had put complete trust in me. He actually brought me home to see his grandma on tue just so that i could believe and trust him.

I love you dada, and am looking forward to your sms, calls and whenever you booked out. I am already looking forward to next week family day. I wanna see your "botak" head!!! I wanna lay my hands on it!! Hahahaha.

Is actually dada's bdae tomorrow. But enlistment became the biggest thing which was today. So didn't celebrate beforehand for him. Still thinking of a very good gift to get him, want to reward him for working so hard. I mean he has to.

Ok, its really time for me to study already...haven really touched on it. Ciaoz!!

5:08 pm

Friday, October 01, 2004

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