Monday, September 27, 2004

Don't know why, i feel funny, mixed feelings. So mixed that i keep getting goosebumps. I don't why but feel alittle disappointed. Yet, i know that there is no right or wrong...or no...not in this context, but when it happens i just felt disappointed. I didn't want to ask much again. So i just went ahead with what i planned for the day. It was the same response i get when i ask about the party. No answer. Maybe he is not ready. Or maybe, i am not a good person, nor popular and there might be trouble when people sees me. And maybe he didn't want to tell me how he feels and didn't want to hurt me at the same time, that's why he kept quiet. Actually i do understand why he wasn't ready or why he didn't want others to know who am i or whatever. But i couldn't help but feel disappointed. Maybe not so much on him, but myself. Probably that explains why he wouldn't want me to go for both occasions. Probably i might not click well. Now, whenever i think about the responses i gotten, i just feel like, oh no! so i am not that nice a person after all. I tried my best already. I swear to God, i tried my best to accept everything that was presented before me. I couldn't help it if others didn't like me. No matter what i do, people will still see me as a needle. maybe that's why he would prefer to keep me in a corner, where no one will see me. Ya, maybe is still early, everything needs time. But i just couldn't help but feel disappointed. With myself. Maybe, i wasn't a good person at all. I don't have a plesant personality where everyone will adore. But he has, that is why i always want to show others that i have found a very good personality and i have him by my side. He is good, that why i like to bring him to meet everyone i could possibly think off. Which he is good, cos he clicks with everyone, but i dun click with his friends. Maybe i am rushing things little. Then let me apologise. Maybe i just couldn't measure up to his level. There have been alot of silences these few days. Maybe is me. I don't know. I couldn't stop thinking.

The goosebumps comes again, and everytime it happens, i will tear. Maybe is due to PMS also. Should be around the corner. I have this sudden feeling like i am losing something. In fact, i felt as if i will lose everything. Emotional again, and exams are just around the corner, and he is going into the army soon. arrghh there goes the goosebumps again.

My granny is admitted into the hospital for the 4th time in one and half months period. The problem this time round is the same as last time, water retention in the lungs. My dad got so feddup with the doctors, that he confronted them saying that they didn't do their job the other time when she wsa admitted for this same reason. He scolded them that the other time, they say it was because of water retention in the lungs, and they discharge her 7 days later, now she is admitted again for the same reason, and the doctor ask her to stay for 7 days, and then wat? after her discharge she is going to come abck in again? Shouldn't they have cure her the other time round? And the funny thing is my granny don't really drink alot of water. SO WHERE IS THE EXPLAINATION??? the doctor kept quiet, and he then claim that he is just a consultant only. DAMN YOU LA!!!!

Went to eat and then shop alittle, i think i have fallen in love with the new frangrace by Elizabeth Arden "Provocative Woman" the frangrace is so nice, is light and womanly, i simply just love it. And i am definitely going to get it when i get my pay. Or unless there is any kind soul out there who is willing to bless me with one. HAHAHA. God i pray for blessings!!! Here's a picture of my new fav fragrace

Oh...i couldn't wait for my next pay!! Is simply fantastic!!!!!!

1:56 am

Monday, September 27, 2004

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